Rapid City frustrates me. I've been so cranky all week, and so unhappy of where we are. I feel restless. I feel like Rapid City isn't home, like it never really will be. And why? This is where Matthew and I started our lives together, this is where Abigail was born even!
Well, I think I know why. I just feel a little embarrassed to admit it. We've been living in this area for over a year and a half now, and we're still not plugged into a church. It should have been our number one focus, our first goal. But for some reason, it took a backseat to everything else. We've been going to church, but not regularly, and we still only know 2 or 3 people from there. My husband is so shy... he just wants to go in, and get out. He's fine being anonymous, another face in the crowd. The problem is, I'm not. At all.
I'm lonely and I'm homesick. The only friend I have here, while an amazing person, is kind of a hermit. I know there's some sort of socializing, some sort of life, that I'm missing out on out there in Rapid. I just have to find it...
And maybe I'm a little lazy. Maybe I use Abby as an excuse. "Oh well, we can't go because we have the baby". Bull crap. There are people we could leave her with, if we really wanted to. I just don't. I want to be in high school again, where all I had to worry about were my shoes and my hair.
But reality is that I'm a wife, a mother, and in a lifestyle where we'll probably move around a little bit. I'm going to have to get used to the "settling in" routine. I'm going to have to get off my high horse, or out of my "wall flower" persona, and talk to people. For my own sanity. But more importantly, for my little girl. She needs to socialize with children her own age.
My head is spinning... we're off to try a new church this morning, and praying it all goes well. We've really enjoyed the church we're at now, but we know there's just no place for us there. Its a little tough, because I love the worship and the messages, and the few people that we do know. I love that its comfortable. But I know God is calling us in a different direction. So finally, I'm shutting up and listening.
