When Did I Become My Mother?

Every woman must ask herself this at one point in time, I swear. I am reminded multiple times a day just how much I have become my mom. I'm little miss Susie Homemaker here. If you had told me three years ago that I would be making my own baby food, sewing our own clothes (and Swiffer covers, and curtains, and potholders...), using cloth diapers, and clipping coupons.... well, I probably would have laughed in your face. I am my mother. I take what I have, and I run with it. You can always make something out of nothing. That is what my mom taught me.

Money doesn't build happiness, family builds happiness. I see this in my daily life now. When Abigail is grown and gone, she won't remember things like the brand of clothes she wore, or how nice the food was that is on our table. She'll remember eating as a family every night, and playing games with daddy. My mom has taught me that time goes fast, and to cherish it. That what you do with your time matters, and how you spend your time with your children reflects who they become as adults.

My mom was always there. She was always home, always lending a listening ear. And she always had the answer to any question. I see now how much she sacrificed for me, for my sisters. I see now how rewarding it all was. She has three beautiful, healthy, daughters. Who are happy and strong in the Lord and making her proud.

I hope I'm just like my mom, because she's the best mom ever.

Oh boy

Parenthood is very...adventurous. Some days I just look around my house and wonder how I got here. Maybe that sounds strange. But I see the baskets of laundry that either needs folded, or put away, or washed. I see the dishes that need done, the floors that need swept or vacuumed and the toilets that need cleaned. And as of late, I hear a screaming baby every waking moment! And wonder what I ever did before I was a mom.

I will never know what it feels like to be bored again. I don't think I'll ever know what it feels like to be caught up! The list of things that needs done is always much longer than the hours in the day.

And I'm happy. Wonderfully, blissfully so. We are blessed beyond measure, with this precious little baby girl. And all the time, all the energy in the world, could never replace her. She's the best thing in my life. Even when she cries herself to sleep at night, or flings baby cereal across the room. I wouldn't trade one day.

Rapid, Home, Church

Rapid City frustrates me. I've been so cranky all week, and so unhappy of where we are. I feel restless. I feel like Rapid City isn't home, like it never really will be. And why? This is where Matthew and I started our lives together, this is where Abigail was born even!

Well, I think I know why. I just feel a little embarrassed to admit it. We've been living in this area for over a year and a half now, and we're still not plugged into a church. It should have been our number one focus, our first goal. But for some reason, it took a backseat to everything else. We've been going to church, but not regularly, and we still only know 2 or 3 people from there. My husband is so shy... he just wants to go in, and get out. He's fine being anonymous, another face in the crowd. The problem is, I'm not. At all.

I'm lonely and I'm homesick. The only friend I have here, while an amazing person, is kind of a hermit. I know there's some sort of socializing, some sort of life, that I'm missing out on out there in Rapid. I just have to find it...

And maybe I'm a little lazy. Maybe I use Abby as an excuse. "Oh well, we can't go because we have the baby". Bull crap. There are people we could leave her with, if we really wanted to. I just don't. I want to be in high school again, where all I had to worry about were my shoes and my hair.

But reality is that I'm a wife, a mother, and in a lifestyle where we'll probably move around a little bit. I'm going to have to get used to the "settling in" routine. I'm going to have to get off my high horse, or out of my "wall flower" persona, and talk to people. For my own sanity. But more importantly, for my little girl. She needs to socialize with children her own age.

My head is spinning... we're off to try a new church this morning, and praying it all goes well. We've really enjoyed the church we're at now, but we know there's just no place for us there. Its a little tough, because I love the worship and the messages, and the few people that we do know. I love that its comfortable. But I know God is calling us in a different direction. So finally, I'm shutting up and listening.

My Year in 2010

Well, I don't remember everything, because this year has been a huge blur. So I DO apologize if I left anything out!
January: celebrated the new year with friends. Found out I was pregnant!
February: Spent a nice, quiet birthday celebration with my husband.
March: Chose baby names!
(Ok So I don't remember anything from April or May)
June: Celebrated our one-year-anniversary!
July: Went home on vacation! Also, quit Starbucks *tear*
August: Began getting VERY anxious to have this baby
September: Celebrated my birthday. More importantly I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!
October: Both sets of grandparents visited this month. And we celebrated a year since Josh's accident.
November: Thanksgiving back home, with great family and friends. The first time most of them saw Abby.
December: A nice, small Christmas with my family.
...Which leads us to today! We spent the night with some friends, it was nice and relaxed but still fun. It's just good to finally have a place where we can go to socialize, but still take Abby with us. Nobody was crazy drunk, or belligerent. It was just nice.

In the new year I look forward to a lot of things. Mostly just watching Abigail grow up. In 2011 she'll begin eating solids, begin crawling, walking, and maybe even talking! She'll celebrate her first Easter, and first birthday. In 2011 we'll be able to watch her discover all these new things and absorb the whole world in.

I guess, in short, I can't WAIT to see what 2011 holds! There's always something new and exciting around the corner for us. And I know that through all the good and bad, that God has our whole lives in His hands and He has the perfect plan for our little family. Who knows? Maybe we'll get out of South Dakota finally!

What a Christmas!

Where to begin? I woke up early and opened presents with Abby Ren and daddy (I opened most of Abby's, since she can't yet). Then we headed over to Starbucks and chatted with Jen and Jess for a bit, it was good to see family during the holiday! And then rushed back home, only to find that I forgot to defrost the turkey for dinner! Dun dun dun!

We webcammed with the Storey family (and Grandma Weaver and Aunt Lorrie!), it was good to see them, even if it is only over the computer. Take what you can get, right?

Back to the turkey... I was too scared to cook my own, so I bought a precooked one. Luckily, it defrosted in the oven at 250 for a few hours. Christmas dinner was saved! OK, so I got very overwhelmed and started crying and felt like I ruined the whole day at first. But a couple of single guys came over (they were alone for the holidays, and I took pity on them) and they said dinner was tasty. :)

Abby got some sweet stuff! She loves, loves, LOVES her bumbo seat (which I bought spur-of-the-moment two days ago) and her play mat. And she got a ton of cute clothes and she'll grow into (or out of soon...)

And me? I got a Kindle! Yes, a Kindle. Oh I'm so excited... as I type, I'm thinking about heading downstairs to power it on and read a little. It'll be such a luxury!

And that's not the only reason I'm spoiled. As I cooked Christmas dinner, Matthew kept up on the dishes, and even kept our "company" entertained.

My parents and little sister are in Cheyenne, spending the night before they drive up here tomorrow. I'm excited to have them. They should be here to celebrate Abigail's first Christmas. And even if it IS a day late, she won't know, and we sure don't care. What matters is that we get to see them!

I feel so blessed today. I don't have much else to report... I'm just so glad to be surrounded by such love and blessings. :)

Thank God

Well, I was cleaning out the hall closet downstairs (which we very rarely use) and came across a box that I didn't even know was in there. I don't think I'd even touched it since we moved into this house, a year and a half ago. Sitting amidst random papers and articles were pictures of me and Glenn. This of course, sent me down memory lane. And in the middle of that little "travel" I searched for him on facebook. I know, call me dorky if you'd like. I guess I should pause here and say that I in no way have feelings for him any more, and was not looking for a way to "get in touch". Curiousity got the best of me, I suppose. But its nothing more than that.

Anyway... in looking on his facebook and at his pictures I was overwhelmed with a distinct feeling. I am so incredibly blessed to have God in control of my life. I of course didn't know any of this at the time I was with Glenn, but now I see just how wrong we were for each other. God sent me Matthew for a distinct reason. I am so blessed to have such an upstanding, trustworthy man by my side. He has always loved and supported me, and encouraged me in the right directions. He holds my head up, wipes my tears, and walks down the same path with me. He's an excellent father, and an amazing husband. I would be incomplete without him, however cliche that may sound. Its the truth. He's my better half, he's the piece I was missing. He makes me whole.

And I am so incredibly happy to be his wife, and a mother of his beautiful girl. I'm glad he's enlisted, and that we're in South Dakota. As much as I hate this state, I know we've been placed here for a good reason. I am blessed. So incredibly blessed. It overwhelms me. I cannot help but to think "what if". What if God hadn't removed Glenn from my life? What if instead of clinging to God, I had abandoned him? Where would I be? I shutter at the thought of being anywhere but here.

Well, now that my mini rant is over... Sorry that was long. I just had to get off my chest how thankful I am that Christ saves me. Not just from my sin, but from myself, from my mistakes, and from my selfishness.

An update you say?

I'm packing, a TON. And yet, it seems like nothing is getting done...

Abigail is super fussy this morning. I don't know if she's sick, or teething. She slept for almost 10 hours last night, and she's drooling an awful lot. She usually doesn't drool at all, so its kind of throwing me off. And she's typically fussing or crying when she's awake. :/

In other news, we're moving to cloth diapers after the first of the year! I'm super excited about it. Matthew and I sat down and not only calculated costs, but weighed pros and cons. OK, so most of my friends are thinking I'm totally insane. But I think this will be a great thing for our family. And much easier to keep up with the laundry once we move into our apartment.

What else? We had a doctors appointment on Wednesday. Abby weighed 9lbs 11oz and 22.5 inches long. Whew girl!

My parents and younger sister are coming up for Christmas. :) We're pretty excited Abigail will get to spend her first Christmas with family. I've got the tree up already, and there are actually some gifts under the tree! I love the holidays. I'm thinking I might have some single guys from the shop come over for a Christmas dinner. They're are a lot of people here who don't have family coming, or aren't going home for Christmas. It would be nice if they had a place to go... not so depressing as sitting in their dorm room anyway. But we'll see what Matthew wants to do.

Alright, I have to wrap more dishes. Just thought I'd write a quick little note in, letting those of you who read know how I'm doing.