Moving and Butterflies

Our final leave date is March 15, 2012. We'll be leaving Rapid City on this day. And I'm nervous. Maybe even scared.

So many changes...

This is the only place we've lived as married couple, and as a family.
This is the only job we've had since we've been married. The military is all we know.
I feel like there's so much we're leaving behind... there's so many memories here. We're stepping out of our comfort zone, and moving away from everything that connects us.

That's not true. What connects us is our love, our passion for God, and our intense goal to raise a godly and honorable family. But it feels like our whole marriage is here in Rapid. Our home church is here, Abby's doctor is here, all of our friends are here. Even our favorite bagel place is here. And we're leaving it all behind.

But that's what God is calling us to do. To move back to our roots, to settle down closer to our parents. To find a new job, a new way, a new path.

We still have so many prayer requests... So many unanswered questions.

• We need a job that will support us as a family
• Matthew takes his test again tomorrow, on Tuesday. So we're really, really praying he passes!
  
• We need a house
• We need a job with insurance that will accept "preexisting conditions"
• We're eventually going to need things; a double stroller, a bigger vehicle (our car will NOT fit two car seats, no matter how hard we try!), a toddler bed or another crib...
  
• We need funds to a) move, b) pay for carpet cleaning, house cleaner, and hotel room. We have money in savings for this, but I'm worried about depleting our savings if we don't have a job set up yet.

There is fear. There is uncertainty. There is anxiety. There's a whole path that we're turning on to, and it feels like its pitch black and our headlights are out. And its December over Vail pass. That's how I feel some days.

I have to remind myself that God is in control, and regardless we are blessed. We have a place to go, family to stay with, people to support and encourage and help us along.

Abigail: The Picky Eater

A lot of you may remember Abby last summer eating everything in sight. Eggs, salsa, bacon, peas, watermelon... You name it, and she would eat it. Things have changed. My daughter, in general, has changed. My sweet little baby is now a stubborn, fit-throwing toddler. Awesome.

She has a small list of things she will eat, and if what I fix isn't on that list, then its hell. I mean fits, throwing things, throwing herself on the ground, screaming, rolling, crying... Its not pretty, guys. I'm constantly trying to find creative ways to feed her the same ol' stuff. Here's what she eats so far:
Quesadillas (I give her salsa to dip them in)
Mac and Cheese
Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
Lunch meat with cheese and crackers
Grapes
Peas
Corn
Bread (I can give her soup and sometimes she'll dip the bread in soup)

She won't eat pizza anymore to save her life. Sometimes she eats dry cereal, but not often. She won't eat yogurt or granola or oatmeal. Or pancakes anymore. The list of things she doesn't like is ridiculous! She won't eat chicken or beef or pork. But she will eat BBQ from Famous Daves! She won't eat potatoes or carrots or squash...

I've just been struggling with feeding her! Do I force her to eat what she doesn't like? Because if I don't fix anything else then she just won't eat. And she goes to bed hungry, which means waking up at 10 or 11 at night and starving. But then she still won't eat what I fixed her for dinner! Such a battle... Having a toddler is hard work!

Am I Defending Myself, Really?

I hope that people understand by reading this blog that we are consulting God with every decision we're faced with. We've prayed a lot about every detail of this move. From Matthew's job, to our home, to where we're supposed to be. We pray about the ability to pack and stay organized, that it would be an easy transition for Jasmine and Abby. We pray about all of it. Daily.

We feel led to Junction. We looked other places for months. We checked out Cheyenne, which was originally where we wanted to be. We looked all over Colorado and Utah. But God keeps calling us back to Junction.

Does it look like we're taking the easy route by moving back home? Probably. But we're not doing it because its easier. In a lot of ways its going to be more difficult! But we want what is best for our family, including our daughter. We want her around her extended family. We want Abigail to have a personal relationship with her grandparents and her aunts and uncles... even her cousins.

And I do miss home. So does Matthew. Its hard being so young with a toddler and newly married and doing all this on our own. Its a struggle every day. Yes, sometimes I do need help. Does that make me a bad mother?

We know what we're doing. We know that the decisions we make are not easy, or something to be made in a hasty manner, or simply off of our feelings. We ruled out Grand Junction for a very long time because I knew that's where my heart was. I didn't want my feelings to get involved and mess everything up.

All I can say is what I know. God is calling us home. He isn't calling us to Cheyenne or Denver or Salt Lake or even Texas! And I don't know why, but I know it is His will. I know that above all God knows more than we do, and He sees the bigger picture.

Grand Junction

Matthew and I are still praying about where God wants us. I would love to be back in Junction, but my husband is a little hesitant. We're still searching for a job. Not just any job, but one that fits with our family dynamic, that can support us, and that won't make Matthew work obscene hours. We're also praying for a home. My heart is set on buying. It would be cheaper (month-to-month) and then we could easily keep the dogs.

On top of all that, Abby is walking up a storm. And we moved her crib into a toddler bed (sniff, sniff). We've been contemplating trying for another baby here in the next year or so... But it just depends on where God puts. The pay, the house, the room, the timing.

I'm homesick. I miss my family every single day. I cry when I put Abby to bed, because I know they're missing out on her whole life. And she's missing out too. I want her to know her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, and her cousins. I want her to recognize who she is and where she's come from. I know that our families will be a great influence, and addition to our parenting techniques. We are so blessed to have amazing parents and siblings, and we want Abigail to feel those same blessings.

I think Grand Junction will always have my heart. Its where I met Matthew: its where I fell in love. My best friend lives there, my mom, my sisters and their kids... My amazing, supportive in-laws are there... The more I think about it, the more that's where I want to be. I know that its a good place to raise a family, I know that Abby will be safe there. Plus, they have a Chick Fil A!

Ultimately we will go where God leads us. I just really, really hope that God leads us back home.

So Here's Where We Are

No job lined up yet, we're still praying about where God wants us. There are so many possibilities! Matthew really wants a job in the police force, but a lot of the positions require a bachelors degree. We're praying about it. If we can find a job that doesn't require a degree, or prior experience, that'd be perfect (and, to be more specific, not in a big city like Denver). If not, we'll take another job that will support us and Matthew will use his GI bill to get a bachelors in Criminal Justice. He's also still working on getting his CDL. There are a couple jobs in Colorado that are hiring, its a city job so the benefits are really good. And by the description, its something he said he'd enjoy.

We're also still looking into buying a house. But its a bit of a process, so we're praying about that too. We can get a VA loan pretty easily, I think. Its just jumping through hoops, paperwork, and of course finding a house. The market is perfect if you're buying though; everything is cheap!

We're still looking in Cheyenne, but we've recently opened our minds a little bit. We're looking Colorado... Anywhere but Denver, really. We applied for a position in Vail, two in Aurora, one in Colorado Springs. We'll just see where God leads us, honestly.

Another option is waiting and applying to the Highway Patrol in April (Wyoming is hiring in April, Colorado isn't hiring until June). Obviously we'd have to take a job until we get on with the highway patrol, if we even get the job.

...There's just so many options, and so much going on. We're exhausted!

But Matthew told me a couple days ago that he's actually excited. It looks like we'll probably be making more once we're out of the military, so that's cool. I'm just glad that he's not so angry about it anymore. I think he's finally moving forward. Its a good thing, trust me.

Abby and I are living out our days pretty normally. Our puppy is a pain in the butt! She barks at everything! And lately she's been laying on the couch. Ugh!

Its bath time here tonight, so I'd better go get Abby out of her highchair before she throws her plate of food on the floor. (Did I mention I made P.F. Chang's Coconut Curry Vegetables for dinner? Yum city!)

We have been so blessed to live here for the first three years of our marriage, and I am so thankful for the relationships we have developed. All of our friends have been so understanding and helpful and encouraging through all of this. Seriously, every person we know here has really helped us through this. We are so thankful for having this experience!

How Christmas Went for Us

1. Abby wakes up at 1:00 am, cries off and on for three hours. Poor husband gets up with her multiple times to rock and read a story or sing a song...
   
2. Alarm goes off at 6:00, so I get up and make cinnamon rolls and do prep for dinner
3. Matthew's up to help me get the "junk" out of the hens around 7:30. I gagged when I stuck my hand in there to try and get all that stuff out...
4. Abby finally wakes up around 8:00! I carry her upstairs to open presents! She was super quiet (still sleepy) and just stared at everything wide-eyed.
5. Abby goes back down for a nap about an hour later. She only opened a few presents, because I didn't want to go too fast or overwhelm her.
6. Abby gets back up! Opens more presents, eats cinnamon rolls with daddy, and then gets her stocking.
7. Long day of playing, watching movies, eating, cooking, etc
8. Abigail goes down for a nap around 3:00, my mom calls crying, telling me thank you. All three of her kids (who aren't exactly financially "comfortable") pitched in for a kitchen aid mixer!
9. Dinner is served! Abigail gets up, super cranky, and goes back down for the night around 6:00ish
10. Jasmine poops in the kitchen, and the toilet overflows as a result. The bathroom floods, and we had to soak it up with 10-12 towels. Matt wasn't happy.
11. We bust out Monopoly! Matthew whoops my butt twice.

It was a nice Christmas, eventful! We're just so homesick... Matt hasn't spent a Christmas with his family in four years. We are so ready to be in Cheyenne, much closer to home.

And of course, we have a couple prayer requests!

• Pray that we find a home! We're looking into buying at this point. It'd be cheaper for us, except that with VA we have to pay the closing costs up front (anywhere from $2000-$4000). So pray that the finances come, or else that we can find a rental home in our price range that allows for two large dogs
• Pray that we find a job! The perfect one for us, that fits our schedules and our needs...
• Pray for finances! There's a lot of stuff coming up that requires more money than we have right now. The puppy needs shots, Matt needs his CDL, and he has a birthday, and then we move... all in three months time. So just pray that God would bless us and guide us with all of this. And that we wouldn't stress about it too much.
  

Being A Parent Just Changes Everything...

I am always amazed at how your view is changed once you have kids.

I'm speaking, this time, of Christmas. It used to be about what I'm getting, what I'm giving, what food we're eating, and where we're spending that morning. But this year its different. Everything is about Abigail this year.

She's old enough now to rip off the paper from the gifts, she's old enough to enjoy presents, toys, and even the yummy food. So now, instead of wondering anxiously what's under the tree for me, I'm anxiously awaiting her reaction when she gets up in the morning and sees all her new things!

I'm also a little homesick. I wish I was back in Junction to see my new nephew, Parker. And to see my grandparents. I wish my mom was here to watch Abby's reaction. I wish I was enjoying all the yummy food. I wish I was able to spend all afternoon with the Storey family, laughing at their strange antics and constant teasing. I wish we'd had the money to go home this year. And really, I wish we were there for Jen and Jess in this time of healing.

Side note: Jen and Jess gave birth to a beautiful little boy. After trying for a year to get pregnant, she had her little one at 27 weeks, and he was born still. Details aren't needed, but he sounds amazing. We know that he's in heaven celebrating this Christmas with the birthday boy himself. But its still very, very bittersweet.

Anyway, we're homesick. But we're trying our hardest to stay positive. I'm making a dinner (cornish hens, asparagus, mashed red potatoes, and apple and pecan pies) and I'm even venturing out to bake cinnamon rolls from scratch. Scary!

We're also reminding ourselves that from here on out we can go home for all the holidays we want. Being in Cheyenne is still the desire of our hearts, and we're living each day looking forward to our move. We're both so ready to be out of this town, away from these people... it just time for a fresh start.

This blog is getting long! Oops... As always we are reminded of the Ultimate Sacrifice. We are reminded that God sent his only son into a wrecked, ugly world. He started with a humble beginning, lived a worth and holy life, and died a graphic death. All for us. For me. Out of love, wholesome, strong, unending, love.

And so, at the end of the day, no matter where we are, or what we have, or what we're eating. The focus should still be on those facts.