38 weeks

Long story short... the doctor scheduled to induce me early next Thursday. The baby still hasn't gained weight, but the heartbeat is normal and its still moving around. We still don't know what caused the decreas in growth, but we do know that at this point the baby is "ok". Its hard to explain; my body is still supporting the baby-its just not helping like it should. Basically my body, at this point, is doing the bare minimum to keep the Baby hanging on. Or maybe its doing all it can do, and that's just not enough...



Either way, by this time next week I'll be a mom.



That's the hardest thing I've ever had to swallow. Its still sureal. It just hit me today, over and over. There's going to be an infant in this house. A helpless baby, totally dependant on me and my husband. I feel so... incapable. And yet, so ready. I've been trying to prepare for this for the past nine months, and now that its within reach I'm shying away. Part of me wants to panic. I'm barely twenty, I haven't been married much more than a year, and I'm still trying to take care of myself. Let alone my husband. And now, lets add a baby. Part of me looks around and goes "I still can't even keep up with the laundry, how am I supposed to a raise a child?!"



And then part of me goes "this is what I was made to do. This has been my dream, my passion. Ever since I met Matthew all I wanted was to settle down and have a family. I want to be a mom. And God has given me this gift, at the perfect time. Yes, I'm young, and yes, I probably could stand to grow and mature a little bit more. But honestly, God finds me capable. I have to trust that."



Long rant over. Now I'm desperately trying to get the house clean before my family comes. The bathroom downstairs needs done, I have to finish laundry and fold it and put it away, and vaccuum the stairs again... The kitchen needs swept and mopped, and the fridge is in dire need of a scrub-down. But I'm not panicking. I'm staying busy. And who knows? Maybe all this hard work around the house will put me into labor, so I won't have to be induced. Wouldn't that be ideal!



I'm scared. I'll be honest, I'm scared of being induced. Some people say they have had great experiences with it, and others say its a nightmare. I do know that most induction medication causes labor to be more painful, and faster. I wanted to do this naturally, without any pain meds and without any medical intervention. But I know that God has a plan. He's already set aside the perfect day for little Baby Storey to be born. Whether it comes vaginally, through surgery, or with pain meds... the goal is to have a healthy baby.



And I just have to add how blessed I am to even make it this far. So many women can't even get pregnant... some good friends who live down the street from us have been trying for three+ years to have a baby. They're headed down to Denver next week for a major surgery on her tubes. Its a pretty dangerous thing for her, since she's severely anemic and her blood doesn't clot. The last time she had a surgery done "down there" she died on the table twice. And here I am, complaining that they want to take the baby a week early with medicine. How selfish of me. Some women give birth to babies in their second trimester. Some women have to hold their infant and say goodbye after only a few short moments. Some women have to leave their baby in the hospital for months and months. And I'm worried about it being a week early? God needs to change my heart... I can't stand to be so selfish.