Well, little Abby Ren is ten days old. I can't believe how quickly its gone by already... I thought I should give you guys an update, and try to write down some stuff now, while its fresh in my mind.
Abigail is such a good baby! She just sleeps all the time, wakes up to eat, we change her diaper, and she's off to bed again. At night she sleeps for 4 to 5 hours before waking up for some food. She's eating enough during the daytime, that we don't have to wake her every 3 hours at night. Which is a huge blessing!
Matthew has been such a great help, he gets up to warm her bottles, and changes almost every diaper. He just loves her so much. He holds her every chance he gets (even while playing xbox; she sleeps on his chest and he just focuses on the TV). Its so cute, how attached he is to her. And she just adores him! He always calms her down, and she just watches him like he's the coolest thing she's ever seen.
We're still trying to breastfeed. I'm torn with it. Its emotionally draining. Abby lays in my arms and screams, crying so hard, because she can't seem to latch on. And it kills me. I know whats wrong, and I can't fix it. So she's still eating from bottles, and I'm pumping when she refuses to take the breast. For some reason I just can't give it up yet... Matthew is trying so hard to be encouraging, and we really don't want to go to formula. It makes her tummy a little upset, I think. She spits up a lot more from it, I know that. Sometimes she does GREAT at a feeding-like at the last one she ate just from me, no bottle or anything! But then, sometimes she won't latch on at all, she'll just start crying right away. I ordered a breast shield, and we're going to see if that helps. I don't know if she just has nipple confusion, or what. All I know is I want this to work. I want the absolute best for her.
Its hard, to think that I can't provide for her like I should. I feel like a bad mom. This is my job, my whole purpose. I'm her mother, I should be able to feed her. But I can't. Not like I should be able to, anyway. I mean; my body is producing milk, and so far seems to be keeping up with her demands pretty well. But she just doesn't take to the breast like she should... we can't seem to get it right. And I don't know if I'm holding her wrong. Is she too high, or too low? Maybe she's not lined up right or something. We just... we keep trying. At every feeding, I put her to me first, and then give her a bottle if it doesn't work. I just don't want to give it up too soon and then regret it. I mean, she could still get the hang of it. Some babies take up to six weeks before they really learn how to latch on right. Six weeks! I don't know if I can take it for that much longer, but I know for Abby's sake I'm willing to try. She's worth it.
Other than that, we don't have a whole lot of news. Hades just adores the baby, by the way. Every time she cries he's right there, to see what's wrong. And he loves the way she smells! When she sleeps in her swing or bouncy, he has to lay next to her. And anytime she makes a noise or moves around, he pops his head up to watch. Oh sure, he's clumsy. He hit her head with is paw while she was laying on the floor today. But Abby is tough, she didn't even cry. We're still teaching him to not jump up while we're holding her, or while she's laying on the changing table. He just has to watch everything!
Jafar, really could care less. The sound doesn't bother him, and he's not interested in her smell or what she's doing.
Its so weird to think that we're a family. In the mornings, before we get up to start our day, we lay Abigail in bed between the two of us and just watch her. Usually she's awake, and just looks back and forth at the two of us. But sometimes she's sleeping, and we can laugh at her funny faces. That has to be the best part of the day. It hits me all over again that I'm not only a wife, but a mother. I have a little girl. A perfect, beautiful, healthy little girl. And I'd go through hell for her. I'd go through that pregnancy again in a heartbeat, for her. Or for another baby, maybe, a few years down the road... We'll see. We just had this one, so maybe planning for the next step is a little crazy. But hey, I'm obviously not a patient person, and I'm clearly a little crazy! C'mon, married at 18, baby a year later? There's gotta be something coming up, to keep us and our families on our toes!
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