Matthew coaxed Abigail into taking her first steps last week. We both screamed and clapped and encouraged her. You could tell she was proud of herself. And then I cried.
Somehow every time I blog it ends up becoming my time-is-going-to-fast whine...
She's taken a few more steps over the past five days, although no more than two or three at a time. She walks pretty well if you're holding one hand, but she's still a little timid on her own. Standing is no big deal, she'll stand and play with her toys or eat a cookie or something. But if we try to get her step she usually lowers to her knees, sits down, and then smiles up at us. We know she can do it, she's just not quite ready to go all in yet.
And I'm still fine with it. I'm a mom, desperately trying to slow time down, to catch up with her rapid growth, to cherish every stage she's in. It seems like just when I'm getting used to something, a new accomplishment washes over us, and then I have to readjust all over again. From being an infant, to rolling, to scooting, to crawling, to cruising. And now walking. I know that this stage opens a whole new can of worms; it'll be a whole new world raising a toddler.
I keep thinking "I'm not ready yet". But I know I am. I'm excited for it, as much as I want her to slow down. Watching her master a big thing is so amazing as a mom. I'm proud. It sounds stupid because most children learn to walk at this age, its not really anything spectacular. But I can still remember her as an infant, sleeping on daddy's chest. I can't believe we got here so fast, I can't believe it's been 13 months now...
And I just have to swallow that twinge of pain that says "I missed so much!" and look forward to the future. To my daughter learning to walk and run and color... Learning to talk and match colors and tell me shapes. So much more to come! And so we hitch up, hold on, and move with this speeding train that's called parenthood. It's all I can do, and its all I would want anyway.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
The Annoyances of Being A Mom
The Frustrating things of Mommyhood
1.) Loosing all those tiny socks! There's nothing like siting down to fold baby laundry, and having a pile full of miss-matching socks. They got lost in different loads of laundry, sometimes they don't make it to the hamper, or into the washer, or even into the dryer!
2.) Keeping the schedule. I know that the schedule keeps me sane, and it keeps my daughter happy and healthy. But man, we turn down a lot of events and social opportunities because our daughter goes to bed early. I know that at the end of the day, what matters is that she got her rest; and its really not that big of a deal to miss the hot wings special that everyone else got to enjoy. It just gets frustrating sometimes...
3.) Always having the carseat in the right car. We have one car and one truck, and I often hitch rides with friends. But now we have one of the big convertible carseats, not the little infant ones that easily snap in and out, and can buckle into a car with ease. The new carseat is heavy, awkward to carry, and often barely fits in a normal-sized sedan car next to another carseat of the same type. I wish we had a couple extras, so I didn't have to always remember to take it out of our car, or our truck, and move it around!
4.) All those obnoxious children's shows! My daughter is just now starting to sit "still" for a cartoon. She mostly just watches Yo Gabba Gabba. Now if you've seen the show, you know exactly how annoying it is! All those little jingles, where they repeat the same thing over and over and over again. Even after its off, and she's down for a nap, and two hours have past, I still have the little song stuck in my head. "Keep trying, keep trying, don't give, never give up..."
5.) The toys that randomly go off at strange times. I recently had this conversation with another mommy, and I'm sure every parent has experienced it once or twice. That singing/talking/dancing toy that will suddenly begin doing its "thing". Even though no one has touched it, or looked at it, or even acknowledged its existence. The worst is at night! The house dark, and finally quiet, and you're just sipping on your tea and trying to relax for a second. When suddenly you hear Elmo giggling! It's just weird...
Well, there's my top five things that annoy me about being a mom! What didn't make the cut?
1.) Loosing all those tiny socks! There's nothing like siting down to fold baby laundry, and having a pile full of miss-matching socks. They got lost in different loads of laundry, sometimes they don't make it to the hamper, or into the washer, or even into the dryer!
2.) Keeping the schedule. I know that the schedule keeps me sane, and it keeps my daughter happy and healthy. But man, we turn down a lot of events and social opportunities because our daughter goes to bed early. I know that at the end of the day, what matters is that she got her rest; and its really not that big of a deal to miss the hot wings special that everyone else got to enjoy. It just gets frustrating sometimes...
3.) Always having the carseat in the right car. We have one car and one truck, and I often hitch rides with friends. But now we have one of the big convertible carseats, not the little infant ones that easily snap in and out, and can buckle into a car with ease. The new carseat is heavy, awkward to carry, and often barely fits in a normal-sized sedan car next to another carseat of the same type. I wish we had a couple extras, so I didn't have to always remember to take it out of our car, or our truck, and move it around!
4.) All those obnoxious children's shows! My daughter is just now starting to sit "still" for a cartoon. She mostly just watches Yo Gabba Gabba. Now if you've seen the show, you know exactly how annoying it is! All those little jingles, where they repeat the same thing over and over and over again. Even after its off, and she's down for a nap, and two hours have past, I still have the little song stuck in my head. "Keep trying, keep trying, don't give, never give up..."
5.) The toys that randomly go off at strange times. I recently had this conversation with another mommy, and I'm sure every parent has experienced it once or twice. That singing/talking/dancing toy that will suddenly begin doing its "thing". Even though no one has touched it, or looked at it, or even acknowledged its existence. The worst is at night! The house dark, and finally quiet, and you're just sipping on your tea and trying to relax for a second. When suddenly you hear Elmo giggling! It's just weird...
Well, there's my top five things that annoy me about being a mom! What didn't make the cut?
- Holding a toddler while making dinner, or grocery shopping, or trying to sign a receipt
- Having your child throw her binky at a poor old women
- Watching your child throw a fit in public for no apparent reason
- Not being able to sleep in with your husband on the only two days that he's able to
- Always having crumbs on the floor, no matter how often you vaccuum
Monday, October 10, 2011
Why We Do and Don't Do These Things
Being a parent comes with a lot of decisions. Especially as a Christian, faith-based family. So I thought I would take a moment to explain why we do (or don't do) what we do.
Halloween
Growing up we didn't celebrate Halloween, and neither did Matthew's family. Halloween derives from demonic things, it was started as a dark and gruesome "tradition". Over the years it has developed into children dressing as characters from their favorite movies, TV shows, or books. Now it is considered "harmless fun". And in many ways it is. We don't look down on anyone who has decided to celebrate Halloween; every person is allowed to make their own decisions. We have made ours.
Although it may seem like "harmless fun", we don't want to risk it. As Christians we believe that Satan dwells everywhere, he roams this earth looking for souls to steal. He puts his claws into everything he can, twisting "harmless fun" into something that could possibly become dangerous.
· I don’t want him to underestimate the devil
· I don’t want him to open up to demonic influence
· I don’t want him to stumble into an area of the occult unaware
· I want him to know that I take the Bible literally
· I want him to prefer the light of the Gospel to the darkness of the occult
· I want him to know that it is OK to stand apart from the world on these issues
· I want him to recognize easily what is evil and stand against it in the name of Jesus
Want to know more? http://womenbygrace.com/christian-life/why-we-dont-celebrate-halloween/
http://carm.org/questions/other-questions/where-did-halloween-come-can-christian-celebrate-it
Christmas
We do celebrate Christmas. We do put up a Christmas tree. I know that the Christmas tree is a pagan tradition, and maybe I'm being hypocritical here. But I find nothing wrong with it; I grew up with the tree. That's where you put presents. Its a tradition to decorate it together. Christmas is about family, love, giving, thankfulness. But more than all of that it is about the love of God. The fact that he sent his only son to be born in a stable, to suffer a life of humans, only to die a gruesome death. Its the ultimate sacrifice, the ultimate gift.
We're also doing the Santa "thing". A lot of children grow up believing in him; and some don't. Some parents don't feel right "lying" to their children. But we talked about it; we think its OK. I don't want my child being the one kid in her Sunday school class to yell out "Santa isn't real!" and ruin the holidays for all the other 4 or 5 years old that believe in him. Someone did that to me when I was young, and I still remember crying over it. I was heartbroken! So for other the sake of the other kids (especially family!) we will be doing the Santa Claus story. Although I would really like to include more of the history behind it; I would love for my daughter to understand where that story comes from. Because its actually really cool!
Easter
Now I have to say that when I was around 12 or 13 my mom quit doing Easter egg hunts. I'm not well educated on this; but the symbol of eggs is not a Christian thing-it derives from pagan and other spiritual beliefs. I don't know the exacts of it all. Because of this we haven't made any serious decisions regarding Easter. We do celebrate. Last year Abby was too little to really do much; we did give her an Easter basket with baby snacks and a toy or two. The Easter holiday itself is a beautiful, Godly thing. Its actually my favorite holiday!
I'm not sure if there's much else I should touch on... We monitor a lot of what Abby watches, hears, sees, etc. And we plan to continue that. Children are impressionable. Even though you don't think a one year old really notices the cursing or the violent film that you turned on, it affects them. We try very hard to only watch age-appropriate things when she's awake. Now that's not saying that we only watch Yo Gabba Gabba and Veggie Tales... but we do filter what we watch. Like Psych, because the language is pretty much zilch, and there's very little violence.
We also monitor the children's shows that she watches. Barney creeps me out to no end. So she doesn't ever see it. I realize that may sound a little coo-coo (especially since she watches Yo Gabba Gabba, which is also creepy) but its a choice we've made. Yo Gabba Gabba is mostly singing and dancing, and teaching her how to react appropriately to situations. Barney is different. Yes they do sing and dance, but I feel like there are some underlying problems with the show. Why is there a character named BJ? For those of you who don't know what BJ stands for in the real world... You are very sheltered. Don't worry about it. Seriously though, its just weird.
Alright, I'm off to cut out some more fabric for my quilt. Did I mention that yet? I'm starting a quilt! I'm excited. Alright, good night!
...I thought I should also add that we've completely cut out all horror films, documentaries on ghosts, and reality shows on ghosts. I used to love them, I'd watch marathons on them. Until one day Matthew sat me down and talked to me about it. I didn't know it bothered him! He really felt like watching those was opening a door, a door letting in whatever demons or demonic spirits felt the desire to enter. And I agreed. That is one of the reasons we don't celebrate Halloween. Those demons attach to everything and anything, and I for one don't want to risk our safety or our spiritual strength.
But again, I don't judge people who DO celebrate Halloween. Its perfectly fine; we just have chosen a different path than most people we know. And we're perfectly comfortable with that.
Halloween
Growing up we didn't celebrate Halloween, and neither did Matthew's family. Halloween derives from demonic things, it was started as a dark and gruesome "tradition". Over the years it has developed into children dressing as characters from their favorite movies, TV shows, or books. Now it is considered "harmless fun". And in many ways it is. We don't look down on anyone who has decided to celebrate Halloween; every person is allowed to make their own decisions. We have made ours.
Although it may seem like "harmless fun", we don't want to risk it. As Christians we believe that Satan dwells everywhere, he roams this earth looking for souls to steal. He puts his claws into everything he can, twisting "harmless fun" into something that could possibly become dangerous.
This is one of the verses that I believe back up our decision: Deuteronomy 18:9-14
Our children will not celebrate or participate in Halloween because: "When you come into the land that the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations. There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD. And because of these abominations the LORD your God is driving them out before you. You shall be blameless before the LORD your God, for these nations, which you are about to dispossess, listen to fortune-tellers and to diviners. But as for you, the LORD your God has not allowed you to do this.
· I don’t want him to underestimate the devil
· I don’t want him to open up to demonic influence
· I don’t want him to stumble into an area of the occult unaware
· I want him to know that I take the Bible literally
· I want him to prefer the light of the Gospel to the darkness of the occult
· I want him to know that it is OK to stand apart from the world on these issues
· I want him to recognize easily what is evil and stand against it in the name of Jesus
Want to know more? http://womenbygrace.com/christian-life/why-we-dont-celebrate-halloween/
http://carm.org/questions/other-questions/where-did-halloween-come-can-christian-celebrate-it
Christmas
We do celebrate Christmas. We do put up a Christmas tree. I know that the Christmas tree is a pagan tradition, and maybe I'm being hypocritical here. But I find nothing wrong with it; I grew up with the tree. That's where you put presents. Its a tradition to decorate it together. Christmas is about family, love, giving, thankfulness. But more than all of that it is about the love of God. The fact that he sent his only son to be born in a stable, to suffer a life of humans, only to die a gruesome death. Its the ultimate sacrifice, the ultimate gift.
We're also doing the Santa "thing". A lot of children grow up believing in him; and some don't. Some parents don't feel right "lying" to their children. But we talked about it; we think its OK. I don't want my child being the one kid in her Sunday school class to yell out "Santa isn't real!" and ruin the holidays for all the other 4 or 5 years old that believe in him. Someone did that to me when I was young, and I still remember crying over it. I was heartbroken! So for other the sake of the other kids (especially family!) we will be doing the Santa Claus story. Although I would really like to include more of the history behind it; I would love for my daughter to understand where that story comes from. Because its actually really cool!
Easter
Now I have to say that when I was around 12 or 13 my mom quit doing Easter egg hunts. I'm not well educated on this; but the symbol of eggs is not a Christian thing-it derives from pagan and other spiritual beliefs. I don't know the exacts of it all. Because of this we haven't made any serious decisions regarding Easter. We do celebrate. Last year Abby was too little to really do much; we did give her an Easter basket with baby snacks and a toy or two. The Easter holiday itself is a beautiful, Godly thing. Its actually my favorite holiday!
I'm not sure if there's much else I should touch on... We monitor a lot of what Abby watches, hears, sees, etc. And we plan to continue that. Children are impressionable. Even though you don't think a one year old really notices the cursing or the violent film that you turned on, it affects them. We try very hard to only watch age-appropriate things when she's awake. Now that's not saying that we only watch Yo Gabba Gabba and Veggie Tales... but we do filter what we watch. Like Psych, because the language is pretty much zilch, and there's very little violence.
We also monitor the children's shows that she watches. Barney creeps me out to no end. So she doesn't ever see it. I realize that may sound a little coo-coo (especially since she watches Yo Gabba Gabba, which is also creepy) but its a choice we've made. Yo Gabba Gabba is mostly singing and dancing, and teaching her how to react appropriately to situations. Barney is different. Yes they do sing and dance, but I feel like there are some underlying problems with the show. Why is there a character named BJ? For those of you who don't know what BJ stands for in the real world... You are very sheltered. Don't worry about it. Seriously though, its just weird.
Alright, I'm off to cut out some more fabric for my quilt. Did I mention that yet? I'm starting a quilt! I'm excited. Alright, good night!
...I thought I should also add that we've completely cut out all horror films, documentaries on ghosts, and reality shows on ghosts. I used to love them, I'd watch marathons on them. Until one day Matthew sat me down and talked to me about it. I didn't know it bothered him! He really felt like watching those was opening a door, a door letting in whatever demons or demonic spirits felt the desire to enter. And I agreed. That is one of the reasons we don't celebrate Halloween. Those demons attach to everything and anything, and I for one don't want to risk our safety or our spiritual strength.
But again, I don't judge people who DO celebrate Halloween. Its perfectly fine; we just have chosen a different path than most people we know. And we're perfectly comfortable with that.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Keeping the Faith
I want to hold on 'cause I'm afraid
And I didn't ask for it to be this way
Somehow I found myself caught in the grey
Reaching out for fear, running out of faith
You know what I don't
So help me to let go
You're in control
So help me to let go
I want to let go
I want to let go of what I can't change
'Cause I can't wrap my mind around Your ways
I've got more questions than I have answers these days
Please don't let my suffering go to waste
These are the moments its hard to believe
So please help me, please help me
These are the moments of surrendering
So please help me, please help me
-Matt Hammitt (Let Go)
And I didn't ask for it to be this way
Somehow I found myself caught in the grey
Reaching out for fear, running out of faith
You know what I don't
So help me to let go
You're in control
So help me to let go
I want to let go
I want to let go of what I can't change
'Cause I can't wrap my mind around Your ways
I've got more questions than I have answers these days
Please don't let my suffering go to waste
These are the moments its hard to believe
So please help me, please help me
These are the moments of surrendering
So please help me, please help me
-Matt Hammitt (Let Go)
My good good friend Mandy sent me this song today. It struck a cord. I'm holding on to all this chaos, all my pain, all my stress. And as much as I try to bottle it up, to "let it go" I'm never really surrendering to God. It doesn't do any good if I'm not letting Him take control.
I feel a fool. Here I am, running around with my head cut off, wondering where the heck God is. And He's been standing there the whole time, begging me to let Him take the load.
So I guess this is me, kneeling at the cross, laying at His feet, surrendering. He can every thing. Every piece of my heart, every thing that I have clenched in my fists, every worry, every pain... I realize that I can't control this. I cannot control this. But God can. He already is. I just need to take a deep breath and trust him. Step up to my faith and really believe that He will right this.
I feel a fool. Here I am, running around with my head cut off, wondering where the heck God is. And He's been standing there the whole time, begging me to let Him take the load.
So I guess this is me, kneeling at the cross, laying at His feet, surrendering. He can every thing. Every piece of my heart, every thing that I have clenched in my fists, every worry, every pain... I realize that I can't control this. I cannot control this. But God can. He already is. I just need to take a deep breath and trust him. Step up to my faith and really believe that He will right this.
Heaven broke into this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
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