Motherhood

I've discovered something.  Being a stay-at-home-mom is not easy.  Not for me, anyway.  It doesn't feel very rewarding or significant or life-changing.  Its just feels... boring.  The same routine day after day after day.  The same dirty diapers, dirty laundry, dirty floors, dirty hands... Its all very mundane.

I started reading Dr James Dobson's book Bringing Up Girls a few nights ago after a particularly rough and depressing day.  Honestly, I was browsing my Kindle for something more geared toward stay at home moms vs working moms, but this what I settled on.  Must've been God.  The point is, reading the book has made me feel a little bit like I'm doing something good.  Oh I know, its not ending world hunger or anything like that, but I like to think that I'm bettering my daughter and her future.  The truth is being a parent, you don't see instant changes or rewards.  They come slowly.  Its like constantly working toward a long-term goal; you often feel like you're failing, like you're never going to get there.  That's exactly how I feel almost every day.

And then I see my daughter picking up new words every hour, repeating back to me whatever I ask.  She said "hungry" and "thirsty" today, and it just warmed my heart.  I know, to most people that sounds insignificant and small.  But I taught her that.  I taught her to walk, to talk, to kiss, to wave... I mean, God taught her that, but through me.  Her little words remind me that I do have a purpose and reason for being here, day after day, dedicating my life to something that seems... boring.  I may not always like that I'm a stay at home mom, I may see it as more of a challenge than a priviledge, but God sees it differently.  And maybe some day so will Abigail.  All I know is that today I woke up with renewed strength, with a goal in mind to not try and make everything perfect, but just to enjoy being a mom with a 19-month-old running around the house.