almost fifteen weeks along now

I guess there isn't a whole lot of news to talk about, but I'm trying to blog every week or so. God blessed Matthew and I with a weekend out of Rapid, and it was amazing. We really needed time with just the two of us, away from stress and work and home. We needed time where we weren't constantly cleaning or bickering or upset about what happened that morning (or our roommate!). Thankfully, by the way, that guy has mostly moved out. He's not staying here, and I told him his stuff needs to be out by Friday or else it'll be on the street corner by the trash.

Matthew's parents are coming into town next week for a few days and I haven't seen my husband so excited in a long time. Actually, now that I think about it we have some good news. 1.) Matthew gets to do RAP every year, so we can probably go back to Junction for about two weeks without taking leave, although he'll be working mornings in the recruiters office. He's excited for a chance to go home this summer and see his friends and family. 2.) There's a chance that Matthew wont deploy; at all. At first we thought that if he wasn't tasked soon he'd be picked up for a 365; but I guess there's a chance that he just won't go for another year or so. We're praying BIG TIME for that. He could be here for the birth and the first year and everything... it would be such a huge, great, blessing for us. :D I know, I shouldn't get my hopes up, and I'm trying really hard to prepare for the worst. I've already planned on having this baby without him here, and being on my own for the first few months (which should be VERY hard). But how great would it be if he was HERE?! Gosh, it just... it blows my mind. You don't realize how much of a blessing that would be for me, how much I just want to praise God already for even a chance at having him by my side through all the firsts.

Anyway, we're praying about it. I'm going to eat another otter pop and then head to bed. :)

frustrating week.

These past few days have been emotional, overwhelming, stressful, and just downright horrid. We have this guy that's been staying with us, and he has caused SO much trouble in the house. He's messy and smelly and selfish (in a nutshell). OK, so the room he's using is supposed to be the nursery right now; and his dang turtle is making the entire downstairs smell like...well, poop. I know, gross right? He eats all the food in the house, uses our internet for free, our Netflix for free, our washer and dryer for free, AND he isn't paying rent. But he is still making BAH (so he gets what, around $3000 a month? That's enough to help out with SOMETHING around here). And did I mention he's messy? I mean I can leave for work in the morning with a spotless kitchen, and be home by 2 (before he's off work) and have a sink FULL of dishes. I mean full, overflowing onto the counter, with caked-on stains (did I mention he doesn't even rinse anything? Or put them in the dishwasher that is located right next to the sink?). Oh, and that's IF he decides to even put them in the kitchen. He's left three-day-old eggs in his room before even bringing them upstairs.

And then today I was sitting on the floor with my husband, and he has a coat and a couple shoes on the floor. Which bugs me, but its not that big of a deal. So I kind of push them aside so I can stretch out a little bit more, and guess what I find? An old Popsicle wrapper with melted Popsicle and chewed gum. CHEWED GUM! Who leaves chewed gum on the living room floor?!

And yesterday he did laundry without even asking, when I was in the middle of doing mine. He couldn't say, "hey I need the washer", or "hey, let me know when you're done so I can use it next". Ugh! He leaves his razor out, his toothbrush out, his shaving cream and deodorant out; all upstairs in our guest bathroom. And when he shaves he leaves all his little facial-hair all over the counter! Its discusting. I never ever thought I would find someone messier than my husband (or my dad) but I was so incredibly wrong.

Matthew told him that he needs to be out this weekend. I am really crossing my fingers that he leaves, SOON. He promised to be out last weekend, but got "too lazy". :/ Awesome. So when do I get to start nesting and setting up the nursery? Which, by the way, I have stuff for that is being stored in our living room and garage because the room isn't even available.

On another note Matthew and I are hoping to get out of town this weekend, if he can get out of some volunteer work he was assigned. Crossing my fingers and praying that he can get out of it; I FINALLY have a weekend off. I haven't had one off in probably three or four months. We just really need a break from this place, from this guy, and from work. A little mini-vacation is exactly what the doctor ordered. So lets all just pray that God pulls through and gives us some time to ourselves.

Oh! Also, we got our puppy a doggy door and haven't cleaned up messes in a week! Its been so nice to just wake up and go about the day without pinching my nose or wiping up a dog's piddle. Oh, so nice.

Ok, so I'm off to finish my Coconut-Carrot cookies. I'm taking them in to work tomorrow in hopes of brightening up what will probably be a very hectic day. Free pastries at starbucks with purchase of drink: if you have a coupon. I just know how rude people get and how quickly they want stuff done. Ugh. Oh well, I've got a great team helping me out, and the cookies should brighten it up some!

Another week has gone by, this one uneventful. I'm an emotional wreck; I'm so tired of crying over stupid things and throwing temper-tantrums. I have a whole list of emotions running through me, and they all mix together and make me confused and emotional. I want to stop the world for a minute and just breathe. I want to stop being pregnant just long enough to catch my breath and recover before moving forward. Unfortunately, this isn't something I get a break from. I'm reminded constantly that I am pregnant: and its both a blessing and a curse. There's a lot that I can't do; both at home and at work. At first it was nice to have a "break" and not be expected to do everything, but now its just frustrating. I want to be back to my normal self; with hot foods and caffeine and the occasional Mike's. The funny thing is, even after the pregnancy, most of the stuff I miss I won't be able to have or do. This is an unexpected life change, and I'm not sure I was prepared for it.

God is constantly reminding me that He has not given me something I can't handle, and that with the three of us together (Matthew, God, and I) we can get through this and make it out on top. My biggest concern is the baby, I want it to be happy and healthy and to grow up in a strong, Christian household. I'm scared of a lot of things right now, and raising a child is definitely near the top of that list. I've never done it before, I have virtually no experience in some of these areas, and it stresses me out. Today I'm giving it back to God (AGAIN), and letting Him take care of not only the child, but the future, and our new family.

Monday

I have the worst luck with Mondays. They hate me, I swear it. Every Monday something happens. Last week I overslept and had 10 minutes to get ready and drive 20 minutes to work. The week before that I was stranded without a car and ended up being two hours late to work. The week before THAT I spilled a full cup of coffee on a customer (the water, by the way, comes out at about 190 degrees). And then today I completely submerged my cell phone in toilet water. Thankfully I had just cleaned the bowl last Wednesday; but despite the pearly-white interior, my phone shut down on me. I let it dry out, put it in rice, waited to turn it on... you name it, I've tried it. So another Monday has gotten the best of me, and now I'm eBay-ing used cell phones.

In other news, I'm 12 weeks along, which means I'm ALMOST finished with my first trimester. Everyone says the second trimester is like the honeymoon; all the bad symptoms usually go away, and you can just enjoy the adventure of supporting another life. That's what I'm hoping for anyway.

10 weeks and 5 days

I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant, and already it has been a roller coaster of events and emotions. Some days I really enjoy being pregnant, and others days I just spend the whole time in an awful mood. I'm trying to take each day at a time, pacing myself. And also, remember that I'll only go through my first pregnancy once. So I'm going to try very hard and enjoy each and every curve ball that whizzes by my head. I'm learning so much every day, both about humanity and about God. Worshiping Him has become so much easier, I'm in awe daily of His majestic power and gracious love. Even in my most upsetting moments, I cannot deny that this baby is a miracle, straight from Him.

Its so much fun watching newborns with new parents, I see them a lot since I work at the mall. Even toddlers that run around, I cannot deny my excitement. I don't want to wait another 31 weeks to have this baby and be a mother. I can't wait to hold the little thing in my arms, and just listen to its heartbeat. I can't imagine how worth it all this will be. I know I'll be drained, getting up for late night feedings and constantly caring for this tiny baby, but I also know it will be worth it. And I'm so excited, so incredibly excited to be a mom and to see Matt as a dad. Parenthood is going to be just as adventurous and challenging, and I know we'll love every minute of it.