So I know that I posted a few days ago, but I just had to share with you the amazing feeling of a baby's first kick. I was laying in bed Monday morning and had rested my hand on my tummy, still half asleep. I felt a little "bump" against my hand and woke up the rest of the way. :) I wasn't sure if I had imagined it, or if something had really hit my hand. So I waited. A few minutes later I felt it again! I got so excited that I woke Matthew up and he set his hand on my tummy. Nothing. I was so disappointed, and thought maybe I had just imagined it. I could tell he was a little upset about it too.
Well, the next morning I turned off my alarm and rolled over on my back, placing my hand on my stomach. I felt the same kicking feeling, and this time I knew I wasn't imagining it. I waited to feel it a second time before waking Matthew up. He put his hand on my stomach, still mostly asleep, and mumbled something about being tired. Then he felt it too! I was running late for work at this point, so I had to get up and go about my morning.
But I cannot tell you the connection I feel to this baby after feeling it kick against me like that. I knew there was a little one in there, obviously, but feeling it move and respond to your voice is completely different. Now I'm pausing almost every 10 minutes to put my hand on my bump and tell this darling little thing how much I love them. :) I really cannot wait to be a mother if this is how it feels. Oh, sure, it gets hard and frustrating and overwhelming. But what job doesn't? Feeling that kick made me feel like I could actually be a parent, and raise a child up in the right way. That kick means so much to me, I can't even really describe it.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
almost at nineteen weeks
Once again there isn't a whole lot to blog about... I pretty much am just taking one day at a time now. The only pants I can wear are my two maternity pairs that I bought on clearance, sweatpants, and a pair of jeans my sister outgrew in high school. Awesome. My shirts are all too short now and don't cover my bump, and have I mentioned I've been dreaming about having a baby every night for the past week? Mostly I dream about bringing the baby home, and for some strange reason its always a girl.
That is, until one of Matthew's friends brought up the whole "are you sure you're not having twins" question again. My doctor said when I brought it up last time that its just because my frame is so small, the baby has no where else to go but out. And while I understand that logic completely, I still can't help but be worried about it. What if we ARE having twins? We'd have to buy another crib, two high chairs, two swings... TWO of everything. Now I know that having a baby is already SO pricey, but having to buy double is just making me sick. The ultrasound is scheduled for May 11, and I guess we'll find out then just how many there are in there.
Matthew DID say that if we're having twins we can find out what the sexes are. I guess that's a little exciting... And honestly, having twins would be such a blessing. With two children we can move into the nicer housing (with a front porch and a back yard twice the size of what we have now). Not that that's the only reason I'd want two kids! I've seen how great twins can be, and also how hard it can be at times. I know I'm blessed to have two families now that would drop everything to rush up here if I really needed them to, as well as a husband that will help me out in every way possible. He's already been so great, picking up what I drop on the floor and helping me take off my shoes. Yeah, I know, I'm already that big. He grabs my hand to steady me if I start to loose my balance doing something, and he's constantly hovering to make sure I'm eating and drinking and staying away from that list of foods that I'm not allowed to have.
Which by the way, I will be SO excited when I can eat sushi again. Man, do I miss the sushi! I'm still not really having any cravings either, although I have to get a slushi every time we walk through Target.
The nursery is pretty much half done, as soon as the rest of the furniture is bought and placed in there just the way I like it, I can rest easy. Well, probably not easy, but easier at least. Some days I can stand my living room and picture a napping baby in a little yellow swing by the window, or a kid playing with cheerios in a high chair while I cook dinner. Those thoughts are what keep me brave, keep me from freaking out at the thought of getting up every two hours in the middle of the night for feedings, and being uneasy for the first few months that the baby will get SIDS. I'm already fearful and just as much a worrier as my mother was. :/ Great.
No, I'm putting it in the hands of God daily. Praying for a healthy, strong baby with a great attitude, and for an easy transition into parenthood for both myself and Matthew. That's what really keeps me strong. Ok, so I rambled a bit, and I'm going to go start lunch for my husband. :) Have a great week you guys.
That is, until one of Matthew's friends brought up the whole "are you sure you're not having twins" question again. My doctor said when I brought it up last time that its just because my frame is so small, the baby has no where else to go but out. And while I understand that logic completely, I still can't help but be worried about it. What if we ARE having twins? We'd have to buy another crib, two high chairs, two swings... TWO of everything. Now I know that having a baby is already SO pricey, but having to buy double is just making me sick. The ultrasound is scheduled for May 11, and I guess we'll find out then just how many there are in there.
Matthew DID say that if we're having twins we can find out what the sexes are. I guess that's a little exciting... And honestly, having twins would be such a blessing. With two children we can move into the nicer housing (with a front porch and a back yard twice the size of what we have now). Not that that's the only reason I'd want two kids! I've seen how great twins can be, and also how hard it can be at times. I know I'm blessed to have two families now that would drop everything to rush up here if I really needed them to, as well as a husband that will help me out in every way possible. He's already been so great, picking up what I drop on the floor and helping me take off my shoes. Yeah, I know, I'm already that big. He grabs my hand to steady me if I start to loose my balance doing something, and he's constantly hovering to make sure I'm eating and drinking and staying away from that list of foods that I'm not allowed to have.
Which by the way, I will be SO excited when I can eat sushi again. Man, do I miss the sushi! I'm still not really having any cravings either, although I have to get a slushi every time we walk through Target.
The nursery is pretty much half done, as soon as the rest of the furniture is bought and placed in there just the way I like it, I can rest easy. Well, probably not easy, but easier at least. Some days I can stand my living room and picture a napping baby in a little yellow swing by the window, or a kid playing with cheerios in a high chair while I cook dinner. Those thoughts are what keep me brave, keep me from freaking out at the thought of getting up every two hours in the middle of the night for feedings, and being uneasy for the first few months that the baby will get SIDS. I'm already fearful and just as much a worrier as my mother was. :/ Great.
No, I'm putting it in the hands of God daily. Praying for a healthy, strong baby with a great attitude, and for an easy transition into parenthood for both myself and Matthew. That's what really keeps me strong. Ok, so I rambled a bit, and I'm going to go start lunch for my husband. :) Have a great week you guys.
Friday, April 16, 2010
another poem... random and disorganized.
You know some days I actually almost miss you.
Some days I look at your pictures and remember how we used to be.
And then I laugh at myself.
I force myself to remember what you put me through,
Remember exactly what you did to me.
And then I just almost feel bad for you,
And at the same time I hope that you're happy.
Its so funny how at the time I thought so differently.
I swore up and down we were meant for each other.
And I think we both believed that a little bit.
Maybe I did more than you, but belief none the less.
And now I just look at where I am now,
And who I am now.
I'm so thankful God yanked you way from me.
So thankful you left me in the dust.
I swallowed all those tears long ago,
And the aching in my heart is no more.
Now I just feel that overwhelming sense of love
For my husband and this baby we're having together.
I guess I just never thought I'd get over you.
Although you moved on long ago.
I'm proud of who I am and where I am.
I'm proud I'm not your girlfriend or wife.
I look at my life now and I'm overwhelmed with God.
I'm overwhelmed with how He saved me from that lifestyle
That I almost chose to have with you.
Its funny how much things change,
How much we've changed.
You're a part of my past that I won't ever forget.
A part of my testimony that is key to who I am.
But I thank my Savior every day
That you're name is not written in my future,
Nor in my heart anymore.
I don't write to say goodbye, but just to say thanks.
And not even to you, but to my Lord.
Some days I look at your pictures and remember how we used to be.
And then I laugh at myself.
I force myself to remember what you put me through,
Remember exactly what you did to me.
And then I just almost feel bad for you,
And at the same time I hope that you're happy.
Its so funny how at the time I thought so differently.
I swore up and down we were meant for each other.
And I think we both believed that a little bit.
Maybe I did more than you, but belief none the less.
And now I just look at where I am now,
And who I am now.
I'm so thankful God yanked you way from me.
So thankful you left me in the dust.
I swallowed all those tears long ago,
And the aching in my heart is no more.
Now I just feel that overwhelming sense of love
For my husband and this baby we're having together.
I guess I just never thought I'd get over you.
Although you moved on long ago.
I'm proud of who I am and where I am.
I'm proud I'm not your girlfriend or wife.
I look at my life now and I'm overwhelmed with God.
I'm overwhelmed with how He saved me from that lifestyle
That I almost chose to have with you.
Its funny how much things change,
How much we've changed.
You're a part of my past that I won't ever forget.
A part of my testimony that is key to who I am.
But I thank my Savior every day
That you're name is not written in my future,
Nor in my heart anymore.
I don't write to say goodbye, but just to say thanks.
And not even to you, but to my Lord.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
a poem
You called me out of darkness,
Beckoning me with words of love.
You called me into wisdom,
Singing songs of promise.
There was hope in Your voice,
and captivating compassion in Your words.
How can I resist such a thing?
How can I resist such a God?
With everything You do,
You show me Your deep love for me.
And everything You say
Guides me to a better place.
How can I do anything but worship?
How can I do anything but praise You?
Your emotions run so deep,
Your every move betters me.
In everything I see now
Is Your deep abiding love for me.
There's no way to ignore,
No way to silence Your call.
I need You in my life
Like You want me by Your side.
Beckoning me with words of love.
You called me into wisdom,
Singing songs of promise.
There was hope in Your voice,
and captivating compassion in Your words.
How can I resist such a thing?
How can I resist such a God?
With everything You do,
You show me Your deep love for me.
And everything You say
Guides me to a better place.
How can I do anything but worship?
How can I do anything but praise You?
Your emotions run so deep,
Your every move betters me.
In everything I see now
Is Your deep abiding love for me.
There's no way to ignore,
No way to silence Your call.
I need You in my life
Like You want me by Your side.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The Beginning of the Fifth Months
Yes, that's right, I'll be seventeen weeks tomorrow. That means I'm in my 5th month, and almost halfway through the pregnancy. :) So far so good too, my blood pressure is normal, my weight is going up at just the right amount, and the baby's heartbeat seems perfect. :)
Actually, when the Doctor went to find the baby's heartbeat today all we could hear was a lot of movement. She was really impressed at how mobile the little guy was, but I think a little bummed too that she couldn't hear the heartbeat for much longer than a few seconds (and it was pretty faint at that). But anyway, it seemed to be somewhere between 130 and 140, which is awesome. :) Matthew says it means our baby will be an athlete, "he's already swimming!". It was really cool though to hear it moving, although it mostly just sounded like loud static. Its just nice to hear something from him/her, anything at all.
The ultrasound is exactly one month from today and boy am I excited. The Doctor said that the ultrasound tech won't even take a picture of the baby's "privates" if we don't want to find out the sex. It wont be in the file at all, so no one can accidentally slip up and tell us. That makes me feel a lot better, since I've heard a few horror stories about that...
Other than that... I still don't really have any cravings. I just like things really tart or sour, sweets just haven't been settling well with me the past few days (sad, because I do really have a huge sweet tooth). I guess I'll just keep you posted...
Actually, when the Doctor went to find the baby's heartbeat today all we could hear was a lot of movement. She was really impressed at how mobile the little guy was, but I think a little bummed too that she couldn't hear the heartbeat for much longer than a few seconds (and it was pretty faint at that). But anyway, it seemed to be somewhere between 130 and 140, which is awesome. :) Matthew says it means our baby will be an athlete, "he's already swimming!". It was really cool though to hear it moving, although it mostly just sounded like loud static. Its just nice to hear something from him/her, anything at all.
The ultrasound is exactly one month from today and boy am I excited. The Doctor said that the ultrasound tech won't even take a picture of the baby's "privates" if we don't want to find out the sex. It wont be in the file at all, so no one can accidentally slip up and tell us. That makes me feel a lot better, since I've heard a few horror stories about that...
Other than that... I still don't really have any cravings. I just like things really tart or sour, sweets just haven't been settling well with me the past few days (sad, because I do really have a huge sweet tooth). I guess I'll just keep you posted...
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Sixteen Weeks
This week has been very busy for Matthew and I. We were blessed to have his parents come down and visit for a few days. The whole thing was very laid back and relaxing, but I still feel like I need to stop and breathe. We got a ton of baby stuff, and I feel like we're almost ready, at least in the nursery department.
Matthew's sister in law gave us her old bassinett. Which is awesome, because it was something that didn't fit into the budget, so we just weren't going to buy one. Usually you only use it for the first few months, and don't really get your moneys worth. So we were very excited to hear that she was willing to let us use it.
My sister sent down a bunch of stuff; maternity clothes and baby clothes and a carrier, as well as some books and fun stuff.
And this parents surprised us by taking us out on a rainy day to go crib shopping! We had planned on budgeting for one ourselves here in the next few months, but it was such a huge blessing to have them take some of the stress away like that. The crib wasn't in stock at the store, so we ended up ordering it in. It should be here in a few weeks... but we were able to take the crib mattress home (not that it does much good right now anyway).
And my mom is determined to buy the bedding set this weekend, although we don't need it for another few months. Then we just have to find a rocking chair, and if we can afford it, a changing table. :) Seeing the whole room come together like this is so exciting. I keep just walking in there and looking around in awe. Sometimes I can't believe I'm going to be a mother, its so incredible.
Now both Matthew and I are back to work, and I am reminded this week again of how blessed we truly are. My husband is really stepping up and taking initiative, I'm so proud of what he's done the past few years. First for him, then for us, and now for the baby and future family. He's my husband, my man, and he's really filling his shoes out well. :)
I think I might make a snow cone with the new snow cone maker my mom sent up with Rob and Lyn. :) My husband thought it was so random, but I got really excited about it.
Sorry there isn't much news about the baby itself, we have a doctors appointment on Tuesday (the 13th) so I should update and let you guys know what's going on. As far as I know everything is fine... a healthy little baby growing a ton and making me eat and pee way too often.
Matthew's sister in law gave us her old bassinett. Which is awesome, because it was something that didn't fit into the budget, so we just weren't going to buy one. Usually you only use it for the first few months, and don't really get your moneys worth. So we were very excited to hear that she was willing to let us use it.
My sister sent down a bunch of stuff; maternity clothes and baby clothes and a carrier, as well as some books and fun stuff.
And this parents surprised us by taking us out on a rainy day to go crib shopping! We had planned on budgeting for one ourselves here in the next few months, but it was such a huge blessing to have them take some of the stress away like that. The crib wasn't in stock at the store, so we ended up ordering it in. It should be here in a few weeks... but we were able to take the crib mattress home (not that it does much good right now anyway).
And my mom is determined to buy the bedding set this weekend, although we don't need it for another few months. Then we just have to find a rocking chair, and if we can afford it, a changing table. :) Seeing the whole room come together like this is so exciting. I keep just walking in there and looking around in awe. Sometimes I can't believe I'm going to be a mother, its so incredible.
Now both Matthew and I are back to work, and I am reminded this week again of how blessed we truly are. My husband is really stepping up and taking initiative, I'm so proud of what he's done the past few years. First for him, then for us, and now for the baby and future family. He's my husband, my man, and he's really filling his shoes out well. :)
I think I might make a snow cone with the new snow cone maker my mom sent up with Rob and Lyn. :) My husband thought it was so random, but I got really excited about it.
Sorry there isn't much news about the baby itself, we have a doctors appointment on Tuesday (the 13th) so I should update and let you guys know what's going on. As far as I know everything is fine... a healthy little baby growing a ton and making me eat and pee way too often.
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