Well, my milk is drying up. I'm only getting about 4-5 ounces a day, so Abigail is eating mostly formula at this point. But its ok. I know it's ok. She's healthy and strong, and she's gotten two months worth of breast milk. Its better than nothing, and it still made a difference.
On a happier note, we're finally moving! Out of this house, that is. We'll still be here in South Dakota... We've been keeping our eyes open for a rental house that will allow us to keep our dogs. After months and months of looking and being discouraged, a good friend found an apartment for themselves. They insisted we go look at them, even though they don't allow large dogs. So we did. And we fell in love. Or at least, I did. They're just perfect for us! Right in our price range, close to Matthew's work, the right size, a safe area, and very well maintained. They're pretty much brand new-and... oh gosh, I could just go on and on about how great this place is for us. So we talked it over for a few days, and went in this evening to put down a deposit.
Not only is this the perfect apartment complex for us, but we got the building we wanted, an apartment on the first floor (like we wanted) and the layout we wanted. Everything just fell together perfectly. Now we're just trying to find a home for Jafar (someone is already lined up to take our pit bull, Hades). For once though, I'm not worried about it. God has planned everything out at this point, so I know He'll take us the rest of the way through.
Our move in date is January 6. Perfect. I would love to be in there before Christmas, but I know we couldn't be packed at moved out by then. There's just no way. So I'll learn some patience, and pack and clean and sort when I can. We can do this. Moving is hard work though! Especially with a newborn! Whew. Its ok though, we'll make it through. God will make sure of it, and we'll just rely on him.
Alright, I'm off to work on a Christmas gift! I'll post again later, maybe. :)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
A frustrating day
Its beautiful outside, warm and sunny. And I'm stuck at home alone AGAIN while Matthew is out having a good ol' time. I know he needs to get out and do stuff too, and without me and the baby always tagging along. But seriously, he gets a three day weekend and doesn't spend any of it with me. :( I need some me-time too. Maybe I would like a couple hours without a Abigail, you know? Maybe I would like for my husband to spend SOME time here with me...
I'm moody and emotional and stressed. I'm still upset about this whole gossiping situation and worried about finances and going home and finding time for everyone. I just want the world to stop turning for a second so I can catch my breath. I want to have a little time for a shower or to do my makeup without Abby needing to be fed or changed. I just need to take a deep breath today and re-evaluate. Let me step back and take a good look, and then keep on doing what I'm doing.
I'm moody and emotional and stressed. I'm still upset about this whole gossiping situation and worried about finances and going home and finding time for everyone. I just want the world to stop turning for a second so I can catch my breath. I want to have a little time for a shower or to do my makeup without Abby needing to be fed or changed. I just need to take a deep breath today and re-evaluate. Let me step back and take a good look, and then keep on doing what I'm doing.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
anger, rambling, forgiving...
When will people learn that gossiping always leads to destruction? The Bible is flooded with verses warning against slander, gossip and the power of words. I've had to really pray for forgiveness tonight, and for patience. I don't know why people think what they do, or assume awful things, but for some reason that is whats happening. If they would only ask, I could tell them the truth...
Gossiping leads to such destruction; separation of family and friends. I've been hurt, and am near my breaking point. Part of me has such a desire to confront and yell and scream. But I know ultimately that makes me no better than them, and I desperately want to be better than this. I desperately want to forgive them, and to move on. And yet Satan keeps tugging at me with that stabbing pain. I know that this causes problems for me, for my husband, for my family. I know that this gossip is destructive towards us, but I refuse to let it have an affect. God has the power, He can protect us from all of this. He can help me forgive and overcome. That is what I need today.
Gossiping leads to such destruction; separation of family and friends. I've been hurt, and am near my breaking point. Part of me has such a desire to confront and yell and scream. But I know ultimately that makes me no better than them, and I desperately want to be better than this. I desperately want to forgive them, and to move on. And yet Satan keeps tugging at me with that stabbing pain. I know that this causes problems for me, for my husband, for my family. I know that this gossip is destructive towards us, but I refuse to let it have an affect. God has the power, He can protect us from all of this. He can help me forgive and overcome. That is what I need today.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
six weeks old!
My cute little angel is now six weeks! Already! It scares me a little bit.
But you should see how much she is growing, and learning. She loves to look out the big window in our living room, or at the painting above our couch. She's also been caught watching daddy play x-box, and the dogs wrestling. I just love the way she absorbs everything in, she's so wide-eyed. And she's started making facial expressions, and noises. I adore hearing her coo and gurgle at me.
The best feeling though? At night I get up to pump, and usually when I come back down Matthew has fed her and she's laying awake in her bassinet. Well when I come downstairs I always look at her first. And if she's awake she gives me the biggest grin and starts to coo and wave her arms. She's excited to see me, I know that's what she's telling me. It just warms my heart, and makes me laugh every time. She'll also smile back at you if you smile first, which is just so heartwarming.
She's so sweet and quiet. This little baby loves her swing, and watching the mobile, or her reflection.
I got to try a mini photo shoot on her today too. That was tons of fun! Granted I had to take a break for her to eat (and so I could pump), but I can't wait to get copies of them made! :) She's just so beautiful to me.
Matthew still leans over and whispers in my ear about his daughter. "She's beautiful", "we have a baby", "she's perfect". I think I hear at least one, if not all, of those things at least once a day. It makes me so happy, to see how much he loves her. He always says hello, and kisses her goodbye, and every time he walks in the door he has to hold her. I'm just so glad he's involved in her life, and doesn't always push her off on me. He wants responsibility, and he's more than willing to help with diaper changing, feedings, and scheduling.
There's not really a whole lot going on here... we're counting down the days until we can go home for Thanksgiving. I'm trying not to stress out about the drive, or splitting up time with the family... God is in control, and ultimately all that matters is that Abby gets to see everyone.
But you should see how much she is growing, and learning. She loves to look out the big window in our living room, or at the painting above our couch. She's also been caught watching daddy play x-box, and the dogs wrestling. I just love the way she absorbs everything in, she's so wide-eyed. And she's started making facial expressions, and noises. I adore hearing her coo and gurgle at me.
The best feeling though? At night I get up to pump, and usually when I come back down Matthew has fed her and she's laying awake in her bassinet. Well when I come downstairs I always look at her first. And if she's awake she gives me the biggest grin and starts to coo and wave her arms. She's excited to see me, I know that's what she's telling me. It just warms my heart, and makes me laugh every time. She'll also smile back at you if you smile first, which is just so heartwarming.
She's so sweet and quiet. This little baby loves her swing, and watching the mobile, or her reflection.
I got to try a mini photo shoot on her today too. That was tons of fun! Granted I had to take a break for her to eat (and so I could pump), but I can't wait to get copies of them made! :) She's just so beautiful to me.
Matthew still leans over and whispers in my ear about his daughter. "She's beautiful", "we have a baby", "she's perfect". I think I hear at least one, if not all, of those things at least once a day. It makes me so happy, to see how much he loves her. He always says hello, and kisses her goodbye, and every time he walks in the door he has to hold her. I'm just so glad he's involved in her life, and doesn't always push her off on me. He wants responsibility, and he's more than willing to help with diaper changing, feedings, and scheduling.
There's not really a whole lot going on here... we're counting down the days until we can go home for Thanksgiving. I'm trying not to stress out about the drive, or splitting up time with the family... God is in control, and ultimately all that matters is that Abby gets to see everyone.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
living the military lifestyle!
So tonight we got to hang out with some old friends. They've been gone since February or March, deployed in Iraq. I was reminded again of how strange, or different, it is to be in the military. One of the guys said tonight that its weird being back stateside, and that he feels like he's missed so much. I imagine it feels almost like you don't fit in.
Its hard to come back after being away for almost 9 months to a job that you used to do, with new employees and supervisors. Think about it, you go to a new country and work with new people, new rules, and a different routine. You have to adjust to all those things, and then come back and readjust. Over and over again. I know that they make sacrifices, but you don't always think of those types of things.
Its hard too, watching people come and go. Part of you doesn't want to make relationships and grow attached, just to watch them leave. Not only do people deploy, but they're often stationed further away. But then, would you rather be lonely?
Its a tough way to live. But I see my husband slowly becoming bolder; its much easier for him to talk to the "new guys" and befriend strangers. For that, I am thankful. And I'm so very, very proud of him. He chose this lifestyle, and we're staying with it for Abigail. Its something that he's very proud of. And its made him more responsible, and very goal oriented.
Its hard to come back after being away for almost 9 months to a job that you used to do, with new employees and supervisors. Think about it, you go to a new country and work with new people, new rules, and a different routine. You have to adjust to all those things, and then come back and readjust. Over and over again. I know that they make sacrifices, but you don't always think of those types of things.
Its hard too, watching people come and go. Part of you doesn't want to make relationships and grow attached, just to watch them leave. Not only do people deploy, but they're often stationed further away. But then, would you rather be lonely?
Its a tough way to live. But I see my husband slowly becoming bolder; its much easier for him to talk to the "new guys" and befriend strangers. For that, I am thankful. And I'm so very, very proud of him. He chose this lifestyle, and we're staying with it for Abigail. Its something that he's very proud of. And its made him more responsible, and very goal oriented.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Four weeks old today!
Abigail is already a month old. I don't even know how that's possible! I swear, it was just yesterday that I was holding her in my arms for the very first time, staring into this stranger's face and seeing my whole world change.
She's doing wonderful, just so you know. Eating, sleeping, doing all the normal baby stuff. She holds her head up so well now! And she tries to roll over when she's on her tummy; I expect her to go all the way in a few weeks... She's still a petite little girl, I think she'll be built like mommy her whole life. I love it though. And she's smiling! Last night Matthew and I were talking to her, and she was dozing off but still giving us little sideways smirks. It was so cool to see her respond to us with facial expressions.
Grandma and Grandpa Storey got to come visit her for a couple days. It was good to see them, but it sure makes my husband homesick! I feel the same way when my family leaves us; that intense desire to just be back home with them. But we'll be home in about 4 weeks for Thanksgiving, which is pretty dang exciting.
The breastfeeding thing has failed considerably. I'm now exclusively pumping, and very proud of it! She gets formula at night, but I'm hoping that tonight will be the last time we supplement. She's still getting mostly breast milk, and even if I can't pump for the next year (which is my goal), I know that being fed breast milk for her first month of life is still a great thing. Its still much better than all formula, and I'm glad to work extra hard to make sure she's healthy. The pumping thing is hard... I have to pump about 10 times a day, and its hard to find time for it! Its not like you can hold a baby while doing it... so I have to wait until she's asleep. But sometimes she wakes up and I have to stop and go back to it later. Its frustrating sometimes, and exhausting. Especially when I have to get up in the middle of the night (after Abigail eats) and spend 30-40 minutes sitting upstairs. But again, so worth it. I'm really hoping I can up my supply just a little bit more, and will be able to start freezing some milk. Crossing my fingers, and praying that God keeps my supply up. It is a little crazy that even as Abigail begins to eat more, my body automatically produces more milk, even though she isn't at the breast asking for more.
She's really learned how to control her tongue today too! She plays with it all the time, sticking it in and out and opening and closing her mouth. Its so cute! I love watching her learn new things, and take in everything. She absorbs everything she sees and hears, and I love it! Its so amazing be able to watch first hand as she discovers something new. She really likes to look out or big window in the living room. There are trees right outside that are changing colors, and always moving a little with the breeze. Abigail discovered the mobile on her swing for the first time today too. She thought that was pretty cool!
I have such high hopes for her, so many plans for her future... I want to make at least some of her baby food, and the desire of my heart is to home school now. How can you not want to teach your children everything yourself? How can you not want to watch them get something for the first time? I don't want to miss out on anything!
Keep up the prayers. Being a mom is the best thing in the world, but also very tiring and emotional sometimes. Matthew is still such a HUGE help. Just today he came home for lunch and spent the whole time watching and taking care of her while I pumped, ate, and nursed my headache. He always gets up in the night when I ask him to, which isn't very often because I know he has to get up early for P.T. and work.
I can't get over how beautiful, and utterly perfect she is. I just can't believe it... I'm a parent now. And its the greatest feeling in the world. I know that this wasn't planned, and I was so scared and overwhelmed when I found out I was expecting. But now? God never gives us more than we can handle. He blessed us with the perfect first child. We're the perfect parents for her, and she's the perfect daughter for us. I really plan to live up to my part of this; I want to be as great a mother as my mom was. I want her to feel like she can come to me with anything, I want her to want to come to me when anything new in her life happens. My mom is one of my best friends, and I hope some day that little Abby Ren can say the same thing.
She's doing wonderful, just so you know. Eating, sleeping, doing all the normal baby stuff. She holds her head up so well now! And she tries to roll over when she's on her tummy; I expect her to go all the way in a few weeks... She's still a petite little girl, I think she'll be built like mommy her whole life. I love it though. And she's smiling! Last night Matthew and I were talking to her, and she was dozing off but still giving us little sideways smirks. It was so cool to see her respond to us with facial expressions.
Grandma and Grandpa Storey got to come visit her for a couple days. It was good to see them, but it sure makes my husband homesick! I feel the same way when my family leaves us; that intense desire to just be back home with them. But we'll be home in about 4 weeks for Thanksgiving, which is pretty dang exciting.
The breastfeeding thing has failed considerably. I'm now exclusively pumping, and very proud of it! She gets formula at night, but I'm hoping that tonight will be the last time we supplement. She's still getting mostly breast milk, and even if I can't pump for the next year (which is my goal), I know that being fed breast milk for her first month of life is still a great thing. Its still much better than all formula, and I'm glad to work extra hard to make sure she's healthy. The pumping thing is hard... I have to pump about 10 times a day, and its hard to find time for it! Its not like you can hold a baby while doing it... so I have to wait until she's asleep. But sometimes she wakes up and I have to stop and go back to it later. Its frustrating sometimes, and exhausting. Especially when I have to get up in the middle of the night (after Abigail eats) and spend 30-40 minutes sitting upstairs. But again, so worth it. I'm really hoping I can up my supply just a little bit more, and will be able to start freezing some milk. Crossing my fingers, and praying that God keeps my supply up. It is a little crazy that even as Abigail begins to eat more, my body automatically produces more milk, even though she isn't at the breast asking for more.
She's really learned how to control her tongue today too! She plays with it all the time, sticking it in and out and opening and closing her mouth. Its so cute! I love watching her learn new things, and take in everything. She absorbs everything she sees and hears, and I love it! Its so amazing be able to watch first hand as she discovers something new. She really likes to look out or big window in the living room. There are trees right outside that are changing colors, and always moving a little with the breeze. Abigail discovered the mobile on her swing for the first time today too. She thought that was pretty cool!
I have such high hopes for her, so many plans for her future... I want to make at least some of her baby food, and the desire of my heart is to home school now. How can you not want to teach your children everything yourself? How can you not want to watch them get something for the first time? I don't want to miss out on anything!
Keep up the prayers. Being a mom is the best thing in the world, but also very tiring and emotional sometimes. Matthew is still such a HUGE help. Just today he came home for lunch and spent the whole time watching and taking care of her while I pumped, ate, and nursed my headache. He always gets up in the night when I ask him to, which isn't very often because I know he has to get up early for P.T. and work.
I can't get over how beautiful, and utterly perfect she is. I just can't believe it... I'm a parent now. And its the greatest feeling in the world. I know that this wasn't planned, and I was so scared and overwhelmed when I found out I was expecting. But now? God never gives us more than we can handle. He blessed us with the perfect first child. We're the perfect parents for her, and she's the perfect daughter for us. I really plan to live up to my part of this; I want to be as great a mother as my mom was. I want her to feel like she can come to me with anything, I want her to want to come to me when anything new in her life happens. My mom is one of my best friends, and I hope some day that little Abby Ren can say the same thing.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
10 days old already!
Well, little Abby Ren is ten days old. I can't believe how quickly its gone by already... I thought I should give you guys an update, and try to write down some stuff now, while its fresh in my mind.
Abigail is such a good baby! She just sleeps all the time, wakes up to eat, we change her diaper, and she's off to bed again. At night she sleeps for 4 to 5 hours before waking up for some food. She's eating enough during the daytime, that we don't have to wake her every 3 hours at night. Which is a huge blessing!
Matthew has been such a great help, he gets up to warm her bottles, and changes almost every diaper. He just loves her so much. He holds her every chance he gets (even while playing xbox; she sleeps on his chest and he just focuses on the TV). Its so cute, how attached he is to her. And she just adores him! He always calms her down, and she just watches him like he's the coolest thing she's ever seen.
We're still trying to breastfeed. I'm torn with it. Its emotionally draining. Abby lays in my arms and screams, crying so hard, because she can't seem to latch on. And it kills me. I know whats wrong, and I can't fix it. So she's still eating from bottles, and I'm pumping when she refuses to take the breast. For some reason I just can't give it up yet... Matthew is trying so hard to be encouraging, and we really don't want to go to formula. It makes her tummy a little upset, I think. She spits up a lot more from it, I know that. Sometimes she does GREAT at a feeding-like at the last one she ate just from me, no bottle or anything! But then, sometimes she won't latch on at all, she'll just start crying right away. I ordered a breast shield, and we're going to see if that helps. I don't know if she just has nipple confusion, or what. All I know is I want this to work. I want the absolute best for her.
Its hard, to think that I can't provide for her like I should. I feel like a bad mom. This is my job, my whole purpose. I'm her mother, I should be able to feed her. But I can't. Not like I should be able to, anyway. I mean; my body is producing milk, and so far seems to be keeping up with her demands pretty well. But she just doesn't take to the breast like she should... we can't seem to get it right. And I don't know if I'm holding her wrong. Is she too high, or too low? Maybe she's not lined up right or something. We just... we keep trying. At every feeding, I put her to me first, and then give her a bottle if it doesn't work. I just don't want to give it up too soon and then regret it. I mean, she could still get the hang of it. Some babies take up to six weeks before they really learn how to latch on right. Six weeks! I don't know if I can take it for that much longer, but I know for Abby's sake I'm willing to try. She's worth it.
Other than that, we don't have a whole lot of news. Hades just adores the baby, by the way. Every time she cries he's right there, to see what's wrong. And he loves the way she smells! When she sleeps in her swing or bouncy, he has to lay next to her. And anytime she makes a noise or moves around, he pops his head up to watch. Oh sure, he's clumsy. He hit her head with is paw while she was laying on the floor today. But Abby is tough, she didn't even cry. We're still teaching him to not jump up while we're holding her, or while she's laying on the changing table. He just has to watch everything!
Jafar, really could care less. The sound doesn't bother him, and he's not interested in her smell or what she's doing.
Its so weird to think that we're a family. In the mornings, before we get up to start our day, we lay Abigail in bed between the two of us and just watch her. Usually she's awake, and just looks back and forth at the two of us. But sometimes she's sleeping, and we can laugh at her funny faces. That has to be the best part of the day. It hits me all over again that I'm not only a wife, but a mother. I have a little girl. A perfect, beautiful, healthy little girl. And I'd go through hell for her. I'd go through that pregnancy again in a heartbeat, for her. Or for another baby, maybe, a few years down the road... We'll see. We just had this one, so maybe planning for the next step is a little crazy. But hey, I'm obviously not a patient person, and I'm clearly a little crazy! C'mon, married at 18, baby a year later? There's gotta be something coming up, to keep us and our families on our toes!
Abigail is such a good baby! She just sleeps all the time, wakes up to eat, we change her diaper, and she's off to bed again. At night she sleeps for 4 to 5 hours before waking up for some food. She's eating enough during the daytime, that we don't have to wake her every 3 hours at night. Which is a huge blessing!
Matthew has been such a great help, he gets up to warm her bottles, and changes almost every diaper. He just loves her so much. He holds her every chance he gets (even while playing xbox; she sleeps on his chest and he just focuses on the TV). Its so cute, how attached he is to her. And she just adores him! He always calms her down, and she just watches him like he's the coolest thing she's ever seen.
We're still trying to breastfeed. I'm torn with it. Its emotionally draining. Abby lays in my arms and screams, crying so hard, because she can't seem to latch on. And it kills me. I know whats wrong, and I can't fix it. So she's still eating from bottles, and I'm pumping when she refuses to take the breast. For some reason I just can't give it up yet... Matthew is trying so hard to be encouraging, and we really don't want to go to formula. It makes her tummy a little upset, I think. She spits up a lot more from it, I know that. Sometimes she does GREAT at a feeding-like at the last one she ate just from me, no bottle or anything! But then, sometimes she won't latch on at all, she'll just start crying right away. I ordered a breast shield, and we're going to see if that helps. I don't know if she just has nipple confusion, or what. All I know is I want this to work. I want the absolute best for her.
Its hard, to think that I can't provide for her like I should. I feel like a bad mom. This is my job, my whole purpose. I'm her mother, I should be able to feed her. But I can't. Not like I should be able to, anyway. I mean; my body is producing milk, and so far seems to be keeping up with her demands pretty well. But she just doesn't take to the breast like she should... we can't seem to get it right. And I don't know if I'm holding her wrong. Is she too high, or too low? Maybe she's not lined up right or something. We just... we keep trying. At every feeding, I put her to me first, and then give her a bottle if it doesn't work. I just don't want to give it up too soon and then regret it. I mean, she could still get the hang of it. Some babies take up to six weeks before they really learn how to latch on right. Six weeks! I don't know if I can take it for that much longer, but I know for Abby's sake I'm willing to try. She's worth it.
Other than that, we don't have a whole lot of news. Hades just adores the baby, by the way. Every time she cries he's right there, to see what's wrong. And he loves the way she smells! When she sleeps in her swing or bouncy, he has to lay next to her. And anytime she makes a noise or moves around, he pops his head up to watch. Oh sure, he's clumsy. He hit her head with is paw while she was laying on the floor today. But Abby is tough, she didn't even cry. We're still teaching him to not jump up while we're holding her, or while she's laying on the changing table. He just has to watch everything!
Jafar, really could care less. The sound doesn't bother him, and he's not interested in her smell or what she's doing.
Its so weird to think that we're a family. In the mornings, before we get up to start our day, we lay Abigail in bed between the two of us and just watch her. Usually she's awake, and just looks back and forth at the two of us. But sometimes she's sleeping, and we can laugh at her funny faces. That has to be the best part of the day. It hits me all over again that I'm not only a wife, but a mother. I have a little girl. A perfect, beautiful, healthy little girl. And I'd go through hell for her. I'd go through that pregnancy again in a heartbeat, for her. Or for another baby, maybe, a few years down the road... We'll see. We just had this one, so maybe planning for the next step is a little crazy. But hey, I'm obviously not a patient person, and I'm clearly a little crazy! C'mon, married at 18, baby a year later? There's gotta be something coming up, to keep us and our families on our toes!
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