Friday, December 31, 2010

My Year in 2010

Well, I don't remember everything, because this year has been a huge blur. So I DO apologize if I left anything out!
January: celebrated the new year with friends. Found out I was pregnant!
February: Spent a nice, quiet birthday celebration with my husband.
March: Chose baby names!
(Ok So I don't remember anything from April or May)
June:
Celebrated our one-year-anniversary!
July: Went home on vacation! Also, quit Starbucks *tear*
August: Began getting VERY anxious to have this baby
September: Celebrated my birthday. More importantly I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!
October: Both sets of grandparents visited this month. And we celebrated a year since Josh's accident.
November: Thanksgiving back home, with great family and friends. The first time most of them saw Abby.
December: A nice, small Christmas with my family.
...Which leads us to today! We spent the night with some friends, it was nice and relaxed but still fun. It's just good to finally have a place where we can go to socialize, but still take Abby with us. Nobody was crazy drunk, or belligerent. It was just nice.

In the new year I look forward to a lot of things. Mostly just watching Abigail grow up. In 2011 she'll begin eating solids, begin crawling, walking, and maybe even talking! She'll celebrate her first Easter, and first birthday. In 2011 we'll be able to watch her discover all these new things and absorb the whole world in.

I guess, in short, I can't WAIT to see what 2011 holds! There's always something new and exciting around the corner for us. And I know that through all the good and bad, that God has our whole lives in His hands and He has the perfect plan for our little family. Who knows? Maybe we'll get out of South Dakota finally!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

What a Christmas!

Where to begin? I woke up early and opened presents with Abby Ren and daddy (I opened most of Abby's, since she can't yet). Then we headed over to Starbucks and chatted with Jen and Jess for a bit, it was good to see family during the holiday! And then rushed back home, only to find that I forgot to defrost the turkey for dinner! Dun dun dun!

We webcammed with the Storey family (and Grandma Weaver and Aunt Lorrie!), it was good to see them, even if it is only over the computer. Take what you can get, right?

Back to the turkey... I was too scared to cook my own, so I bought a precooked one. Luckily, it defrosted in the oven at 250 for a few hours. Christmas dinner was saved! OK, so I got very overwhelmed and started crying and felt like I ruined the whole day at first. But a couple of single guys came over (they were alone for the holidays, and I took pity on them) and they said dinner was tasty. :)

Abby got some sweet stuff! She loves, loves, LOVES her bumbo seat (which I bought spur-of-the-moment two days ago) and her play mat. And she got a ton of cute clothes and she'll grow into (or out of soon...)

And me? I got a Kindle! Yes, a Kindle. Oh I'm so excited... as I type, I'm thinking about heading downstairs to power it on and read a little. It'll be such a luxury!

And that's not the only reason I'm spoiled. As I cooked Christmas dinner, Matthew kept up on the dishes, and even kept our "company" entertained.

My parents and little sister are in Cheyenne, spending the night before they drive up here tomorrow. I'm excited to have them. They should be here to celebrate Abigail's first Christmas. And even if it IS a day late, she won't know, and we sure don't care. What matters is that we get to see them!

I feel so blessed today. I don't have much else to report... I'm just so glad to be surrounded by such love and blessings. :)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Thank God

Well, I was cleaning out the hall closet downstairs (which we very rarely use) and came across a box that I didn't even know was in there. I don't think I'd even touched it since we moved into this house, a year and a half ago. Sitting amidst random papers and articles were pictures of me and Glenn. This of course, sent me down memory lane. And in the middle of that little "travel" I searched for him on facebook. I know, call me dorky if you'd like. I guess I should pause here and say that I in no way have feelings for him any more, and was not looking for a way to "get in touch". Curiousity got the best of me, I suppose. But its nothing more than that.

Anyway... in looking on his facebook and at his pictures I was overwhelmed with a distinct feeling. I am so incredibly blessed to have God in control of my life. I of course didn't know any of this at the time I was with Glenn, but now I see just how wrong we were for each other. God sent me Matthew for a distinct reason. I am so blessed to have such an upstanding, trustworthy man by my side. He has always loved and supported me, and encouraged me in the right directions. He holds my head up, wipes my tears, and walks down the same path with me. He's an excellent father, and an amazing husband. I would be incomplete without him, however cliche that may sound. Its the truth. He's my better half, he's the piece I was missing. He makes me whole.

And I am so incredibly happy to be his wife, and a mother of his beautiful girl. I'm glad he's enlisted, and that we're in South Dakota. As much as I hate this state, I know we've been placed here for a good reason. I am blessed. So incredibly blessed. It overwhelms me. I cannot help but to think "what if". What if God hadn't removed Glenn from my life? What if instead of clinging to God, I had abandoned him? Where would I be? I shutter at the thought of being anywhere but here.

Well, now that my mini rant is over... Sorry that was long. I just had to get off my chest how thankful I am that Christ saves me. Not just from my sin, but from myself, from my mistakes, and from my selfishness.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

An update you say?

I'm packing, a TON. And yet, it seems like nothing is getting done...

Abigail is super fussy this morning. I don't know if she's sick, or teething. She slept for almost 10 hours last night, and she's drooling an awful lot. She usually doesn't drool at all, so its kind of throwing me off. And she's typically fussing or crying when she's awake. :/

In other news, we're moving to cloth diapers after the first of the year! I'm super excited about it. Matthew and I sat down and not only calculated costs, but weighed pros and cons. OK, so most of my friends are thinking I'm totally insane. But I think this will be a great thing for our family. And much easier to keep up with the laundry once we move into our apartment.

What else? We had a doctors appointment on Wednesday. Abby weighed 9lbs 11oz and 22.5 inches long. Whew girl!

My parents and younger sister are coming up for Christmas. :) We're pretty excited Abigail will get to spend her first Christmas with family. I've got the tree up already, and there are actually some gifts under the tree! I love the holidays. I'm thinking I might have some single guys from the shop come over for a Christmas dinner. They're are a lot of people here who don't have family coming, or aren't going home for Christmas. It would be nice if they had a place to go... not so depressing as sitting in their dorm room anyway. But we'll see what Matthew wants to do.

Alright, I have to wrap more dishes. Just thought I'd write a quick little note in, letting those of you who read know how I'm doing.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Thanksgiving, colds and Christmas

Well, we're back from our Thanksgiving trip. It was wonderful, except that I'm now sick with a head cold. And Abigail has a runny nose too. Nothing else really seems to be bothering her though, so that's good. I just have to use that snot-sucker thing, which she hates.

Her doctors appointment is on Wednesday, in the afternoon sometime... I'm kind of excited, sadly enough.

The weather here has been horrific. Strong winds that blow snow into drifts, which then piles in front of our door and behind our cars. I cannot WAIT to move into our apartment! Just a few more weeks... which reminds me, I need to get packing! Its just so hard, when I have zero energy (because I'm sick) and I'm taking care of a baby, and we don't really have any boxes... I'm overwhelming myself by just talking about this.

I don't think I really have anything to report anyway. I put up the Christmas tree yesterday, and Abby Ren loves to look at the pretty lights. :) There are even gifts under it! OK, most of them are from the in-laws... but its nice to have something under there anyway. And I have all the stocking stuffers for Matthew and Abigail. Only I can't put my husband's out, because he'll peek. He peeks at everything! Don't ever put his gifts in bags... always wrap. ALWAYS.

Well, I guess I'll go blow my nose and check on my daughter. Maybe I'll get some more crocheting done tonight too...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Well, my milk is drying up. I'm only getting about 4-5 ounces a day, so Abigail is eating mostly formula at this point. But its ok. I know it's ok. She's healthy and strong, and she's gotten two months worth of breast milk. Its better than nothing, and it still made a difference.

On a happier note, we're finally moving! Out of this house, that is. We'll still be here in South Dakota... We've been keeping our eyes open for a rental house that will allow us to keep our dogs. After months and months of looking and being discouraged, a good friend found an apartment for themselves. They insisted we go look at them, even though they don't allow large dogs. So we did. And we fell in love. Or at least, I did. They're just perfect for us! Right in our price range, close to Matthew's work, the right size, a safe area, and very well maintained. They're pretty much brand new-and... oh gosh, I could just go on and on about how great this place is for us. So we talked it over for a few days, and went in this evening to put down a deposit.

Not only is this the perfect apartment complex for us, but we got the building we wanted, an apartment on the first floor (like we wanted) and the layout we wanted. Everything just fell together perfectly. Now we're just trying to find a home for Jafar (someone is already lined up to take our pit bull, Hades). For once though, I'm not worried about it. God has planned everything out at this point, so I know He'll take us the rest of the way through.

Our move in date is January 6. Perfect. I would love to be in there before Christmas, but I know we couldn't be packed at moved out by then. There's just no way. So I'll learn some patience, and pack and clean and sort when I can. We can do this. Moving is hard work though! Especially with a newborn! Whew. Its ok though, we'll make it through. God will make sure of it, and we'll just rely on him.

Alright, I'm off to work on a Christmas gift! I'll post again later, maybe. :)

Monday, November 8, 2010

A frustrating day

Its beautiful outside, warm and sunny. And I'm stuck at home alone AGAIN while Matthew is out having a good ol' time. I know he needs to get out and do stuff too, and without me and the baby always tagging along. But seriously, he gets a three day weekend and doesn't spend any of it with me. :( I need some me-time too. Maybe I would like a couple hours without a Abigail, you know? Maybe I would like for my husband to spend SOME time here with me...

I'm moody and emotional and stressed. I'm still upset about this whole gossiping situation and worried about finances and going home and finding time for everyone. I just want the world to stop turning for a second so I can catch my breath. I want to have a little time for a shower or to do my makeup without Abby needing to be fed or changed. I just need to take a deep breath today and re-evaluate. Let me step back and take a good look, and then keep on doing what I'm doing.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

anger, rambling, forgiving...

When will people learn that gossiping always leads to destruction? The Bible is flooded with verses warning against slander, gossip and the power of words. I've had to really pray for forgiveness tonight, and for patience. I don't know why people think what they do, or assume awful things, but for some reason that is whats happening. If they would only ask, I could tell them the truth...

Gossiping leads to such destruction; separation of family and friends. I've been hurt, and am near my breaking point. Part of me has such a desire to confront and yell and scream. But I know ultimately that makes me no better than them, and I desperately want to be better than this. I desperately want to forgive them, and to move on. And yet Satan keeps tugging at me with that stabbing pain. I know that this causes problems for me, for my husband, for my family. I know that this gossip is destructive towards us, but I refuse to let it have an affect. God has the power, He can protect us from all of this. He can help me forgive and overcome. That is what I need today.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

six weeks old!

My cute little angel is now six weeks! Already! It scares me a little bit.

But you should see how much she is growing, and learning. She loves to look out the big window in our living room, or at the painting above our couch. She's also been caught watching daddy play x-box, and the dogs wrestling. I just love the way she absorbs everything in, she's so wide-eyed. And she's started making facial expressions, and noises. I adore hearing her coo and gurgle at me.

The best feeling though? At night I get up to pump, and usually when I come back down Matthew has fed her and she's laying awake in her bassinet. Well when I come downstairs I always look at her first. And if she's awake she gives me the biggest grin and starts to coo and wave her arms. She's excited to see me, I know that's what she's telling me. It just warms my heart, and makes me laugh every time. She'll also smile back at you if you smile first, which is just so heartwarming.

She's so sweet and quiet. This little baby loves her swing, and watching the mobile, or her reflection.

I got to try a mini photo shoot on her today too. That was tons of fun! Granted I had to take a break for her to eat (and so I could pump), but I can't wait to get copies of them made! :) She's just so beautiful to me.

Matthew still leans over and whispers in my ear about his daughter. "She's beautiful", "we have a baby", "she's perfect". I think I hear at least one, if not all, of those things at least once a day. It makes me so happy, to see how much he loves her. He always says hello, and kisses her goodbye, and every time he walks in the door he has to hold her. I'm just so glad he's involved in her life, and doesn't always push her off on me. He wants responsibility, and he's more than willing to help with diaper changing, feedings, and scheduling.

There's not really a whole lot going on here... we're counting down the days until we can go home for Thanksgiving. I'm trying not to stress out about the drive, or splitting up time with the family... God is in control, and ultimately all that matters is that Abby gets to see everyone.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

living the military lifestyle!

So tonight we got to hang out with some old friends. They've been gone since February or March, deployed in Iraq. I was reminded again of how strange, or different, it is to be in the military. One of the guys said tonight that its weird being back stateside, and that he feels like he's missed so much. I imagine it feels almost like you don't fit in.

Its hard to come back after being away for almost 9 months to a job that you used to do, with new employees and supervisors. Think about it, you go to a new country and work with new people, new rules, and a different routine. You have to adjust to all those things, and then come back and readjust. Over and over again. I know that they make sacrifices, but you don't always think of those types of things.

Its hard too, watching people come and go. Part of you doesn't want to make relationships and grow attached, just to watch them leave. Not only do people deploy, but they're often stationed further away. But then, would you rather be lonely?

Its a tough way to live. But I see my husband slowly becoming bolder; its much easier for him to talk to the "new guys" and befriend strangers. For that, I am thankful. And I'm so very, very proud of him. He chose this lifestyle, and we're staying with it for Abigail. Its something that he's very proud of. And its made him more responsible, and very goal oriented.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Four weeks old today!

Abigail is already a month old. I don't even know how that's possible! I swear, it was just yesterday that I was holding her in my arms for the very first time, staring into this stranger's face and seeing my whole world change.

She's doing wonderful, just so you know. Eating, sleeping, doing all the normal baby stuff. She holds her head up so well now! And she tries to roll over when she's on her tummy; I expect her to go all the way in a few weeks... She's still a petite little girl, I think she'll be built like mommy her whole life. I love it though. And she's smiling! Last night Matthew and I were talking to her, and she was dozing off but still giving us little sideways smirks. It was so cool to see her respond to us with facial expressions.

Grandma and Grandpa Storey got to come visit her for a couple days. It was good to see them, but it sure makes my husband homesick! I feel the same way when my family leaves us; that intense desire to just be back home with them. But we'll be home in about 4 weeks for Thanksgiving, which is pretty dang exciting.

The breastfeeding thing has failed considerably. I'm now exclusively pumping, and very proud of it! She gets formula at night, but I'm hoping that tonight will be the last time we supplement. She's still getting mostly breast milk, and even if I can't pump for the next year (which is my goal), I know that being fed breast milk for her first month of life is still a great thing. Its still much better than all formula, and I'm glad to work extra hard to make sure she's healthy. The pumping thing is hard... I have to pump about 10 times a day, and its hard to find time for it! Its not like you can hold a baby while doing it... so I have to wait until she's asleep. But sometimes she wakes up and I have to stop and go back to it later. Its frustrating sometimes, and exhausting. Especially when I have to get up in the middle of the night (after Abigail eats) and spend 30-40 minutes sitting upstairs. But again, so worth it. I'm really hoping I can up my supply just a little bit more, and will be able to start freezing some milk. Crossing my fingers, and praying that God keeps my supply up. It is a little crazy that even as Abigail begins to eat more, my body automatically produces more milk, even though she isn't at the breast asking for more.

She's really learned how to control her tongue today too! She plays with it all the time, sticking it in and out and opening and closing her mouth. Its so cute! I love watching her learn new things, and take in everything. She absorbs everything she sees and hears, and I love it! Its so amazing be able to watch first hand as she discovers something new. She really likes to look out or big window in the living room. There are trees right outside that are changing colors, and always moving a little with the breeze. Abigail discovered the mobile on her swing for the first time today too. She thought that was pretty cool!

I have such high hopes for her, so many plans for her future... I want to make at least some of her baby food, and the desire of my heart is to home school now. How can you not want to teach your children everything yourself? How can you not want to watch them get something for the first time? I don't want to miss out on anything!

Keep up the prayers. Being a mom is the best thing in the world, but also very tiring and emotional sometimes. Matthew is still such a HUGE help. Just today he came home for lunch and spent the whole time watching and taking care of her while I pumped, ate, and nursed my headache. He always gets up in the night when I ask him to, which isn't very often because I know he has to get up early for P.T. and work.

I can't get over how beautiful, and utterly perfect she is. I just can't believe it... I'm a parent now. And its the greatest feeling in the world. I know that this wasn't planned, and I was so scared and overwhelmed when I found out I was expecting. But now? God never gives us more than we can handle. He blessed us with the perfect first child. We're the perfect parents for her, and she's the perfect daughter for us. I really plan to live up to my part of this; I want to be as great a mother as my mom was. I want her to feel like she can come to me with anything, I want her to want to come to me when anything new in her life happens. My mom is one of my best friends, and I hope some day that little Abby Ren can say the same thing.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

10 days old already!

Well, little Abby Ren is ten days old. I can't believe how quickly its gone by already... I thought I should give you guys an update, and try to write down some stuff now, while its fresh in my mind.

Abigail is such a good baby! She just sleeps all the time, wakes up to eat, we change her diaper, and she's off to bed again. At night she sleeps for 4 to 5 hours before waking up for some food. She's eating enough during the daytime, that we don't have to wake her every 3 hours at night. Which is a huge blessing!

Matthew has been such a great help, he gets up to warm her bottles, and changes almost every diaper. He just loves her so much. He holds her every chance he gets (even while playing xbox; she sleeps on his chest and he just focuses on the TV). Its so cute, how attached he is to her. And she just adores him! He always calms her down, and she just watches him like he's the coolest thing she's ever seen.

We're still trying to breastfeed. I'm torn with it. Its emotionally draining. Abby lays in my arms and screams, crying so hard, because she can't seem to latch on. And it kills me. I know whats wrong, and I can't fix it. So she's still eating from bottles, and I'm pumping when she refuses to take the breast. For some reason I just can't give it up yet... Matthew is trying so hard to be encouraging, and we really don't want to go to formula. It makes her tummy a little upset, I think. She spits up a lot more from it, I know that. Sometimes she does GREAT at a feeding-like at the last one she ate just from me, no bottle or anything! But then, sometimes she won't latch on at all, she'll just start crying right away. I ordered a breast shield, and we're going to see if that helps. I don't know if she just has nipple confusion, or what. All I know is I want this to work. I want the absolute best for her.

Its hard, to think that I can't provide for her like I should. I feel like a bad mom. This is my job, my whole purpose. I'm her mother, I should be able to feed her. But I can't. Not like I should be able to, anyway. I mean; my body is producing milk, and so far seems to be keeping up with her demands pretty well. But she just doesn't take to the breast like she should... we can't seem to get it right. And I don't know if I'm holding her wrong. Is she too high, or too low? Maybe she's not lined up right or something. We just... we keep trying. At every feeding, I put her to me first, and then give her a bottle if it doesn't work. I just don't want to give it up too soon and then regret it. I mean, she could still get the hang of it. Some babies take up to six weeks before they really learn how to latch on right. Six weeks! I don't know if I can take it for that much longer, but I know for Abby's sake I'm willing to try. She's worth it.

Other than that, we don't have a whole lot of news. Hades just adores the baby, by the way. Every time she cries he's right there, to see what's wrong. And he loves the way she smells! When she sleeps in her swing or bouncy, he has to lay next to her. And anytime she makes a noise or moves around, he pops his head up to watch. Oh sure, he's clumsy. He hit her head with is paw while she was laying on the floor today. But Abby is tough, she didn't even cry. We're still teaching him to not jump up while we're holding her, or while she's laying on the changing table. He just has to watch everything!

Jafar, really could care less. The sound doesn't bother him, and he's not interested in her smell or what she's doing.

Its so weird to think that we're a family. In the mornings, before we get up to start our day, we lay Abigail in bed between the two of us and just watch her. Usually she's awake, and just looks back and forth at the two of us. But sometimes she's sleeping, and we can laugh at her funny faces. That has to be the best part of the day. It hits me all over again that I'm not only a wife, but a mother. I have a little girl. A perfect, beautiful, healthy little girl. And I'd go through hell for her. I'd go through that pregnancy again in a heartbeat, for her. Or for another baby, maybe, a few years down the road... We'll see. We just had this one, so maybe planning for the next step is a little crazy. But hey, I'm obviously not a patient person, and I'm clearly a little crazy! C'mon, married at 18, baby a year later? There's gotta be something coming up, to keep us and our families on our toes!

Monday, September 27, 2010

its a girl!

Abigail Renee was born on September 23, 2010 at 10:18 pm, weighing 6 pounds, 12 ounces and 19 inches long! She has a full head of dark hair, and deep blue-grey eyes. She has been such an easy baby so far! I gave birth without any surgery, and very minor tearing. I am so proud of myself for having a vaginal birth (even if I did take an epidural). My husband sat by my side and not only held my leg, but watched our little girl enter into the world. He was a little grossed out, but mostly amazed. He held her first, and she's had him wrapped around her finger ever since. She absolutely loves to sleep on daddy's chest, and always stares up at him when he talks.

She's such an easy baby. She never fusses! She goes to sleep without any problems, and very rarely takes a pacifier. She makes a few noises when she's dirty or hungry, but even then its quiet and calm. We are so incredibly blessed!

I had trouble breast feeding, and now I'm just pumping milk and giving it to her in bottles. We're still trying to get through it, and although its hard I know its worth it. I just want what is best for my darling little girl. Its been frustrating, and quite the experience. Matthew has been so supportive and understanding. He's not being pushy or frustrating or overwhelming at all. He's such a huge help! Even with changing dirty diapers, and getting up in the middle of the night when she fusses. We are both just absolutely in love with our daughter!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

thirty-nine weeks!

This is my last post as a pregnant woman. I call tonight at 11 pm to make sure labor and delivery has a bed for me. If they are able to take me, I sign in to the ER a few minutes after midnight, and they begin to induce. I'm nervous and scared and overwhelmed. I'm excited and anxious and honestly a little bittersweet. No more being pregnant! That's exciting, mostly, but also a little sad. Tonight is my last night with just me and my husband. Last night was our last night to sleep together without a baby in the house. Our dogs know something is going on, they're just as restless as I am.

I feel like I've cleaned everything I can think of, and organized everything that I see. My house is all ready for my family to come, I'm so excited to see them. All that is left is to fold the laundry and vacuum the living room. I even have the couches covered with bed sheets to protect them from my parents dogs! All the linens are cleaned, folded, and waiting for use. Hospital bags are packed, organized, and waiting by the door. Towels are out, waiting for guests. I've dusted and swept and mopped, I even scrubbed all the baseboards!

Prayer requests? 1.) that I kick this cold! I have a rough cough and some drainage. 2.) A successful induction with no complications, and that doesn't end in any surgery. We obviously want a healthy baby, who skips NICU and is discharged with me. We also want a speedy recovery, and an easy transition into parenthood. My parents also need a safe trip up here and back.

I'm so excited, my thoughts are all over the place. It doesn't help that I keep having to stop writing every few seconds to hack up a lung. I'm going to go drink some water and wander around, making sure I can't do anything else. I know I need to rest, and I did get a great night's sleep and a nap around noon. I just can't sit still!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

38 weeks

Long story short... the doctor scheduled to induce me early next Thursday. The baby still hasn't gained weight, but the heartbeat is normal and its still moving around. We still don't know what caused the decreas in growth, but we do know that at this point the baby is "ok". Its hard to explain; my body is still supporting the baby-its just not helping like it should. Basically my body, at this point, is doing the bare minimum to keep the Baby hanging on. Or maybe its doing all it can do, and that's just not enough...



Either way, by this time next week I'll be a mom.



That's the hardest thing I've ever had to swallow. Its still sureal. It just hit me today, over and over. There's going to be an infant in this house. A helpless baby, totally dependant on me and my husband. I feel so... incapable. And yet, so ready. I've been trying to prepare for this for the past nine months, and now that its within reach I'm shying away. Part of me wants to panic. I'm barely twenty, I haven't been married much more than a year, and I'm still trying to take care of myself. Let alone my husband. And now, lets add a baby. Part of me looks around and goes "I still can't even keep up with the laundry, how am I supposed to a raise a child?!"



And then part of me goes "this is what I was made to do. This has been my dream, my passion. Ever since I met Matthew all I wanted was to settle down and have a family. I want to be a mom. And God has given me this gift, at the perfect time. Yes, I'm young, and yes, I probably could stand to grow and mature a little bit more. But honestly, God finds me capable. I have to trust that."



Long rant over. Now I'm desperately trying to get the house clean before my family comes. The bathroom downstairs needs done, I have to finish laundry and fold it and put it away, and vaccuum the stairs again... The kitchen needs swept and mopped, and the fridge is in dire need of a scrub-down. But I'm not panicking. I'm staying busy. And who knows? Maybe all this hard work around the house will put me into labor, so I won't have to be induced. Wouldn't that be ideal!



I'm scared. I'll be honest, I'm scared of being induced. Some people say they have had great experiences with it, and others say its a nightmare. I do know that most induction medication causes labor to be more painful, and faster. I wanted to do this naturally, without any pain meds and without any medical intervention. But I know that God has a plan. He's already set aside the perfect day for little Baby Storey to be born. Whether it comes vaginally, through surgery, or with pain meds... the goal is to have a healthy baby.



And I just have to add how blessed I am to even make it this far. So many women can't even get pregnant... some good friends who live down the street from us have been trying for three+ years to have a baby. They're headed down to Denver next week for a major surgery on her tubes. Its a pretty dangerous thing for her, since she's severely anemic and her blood doesn't clot. The last time she had a surgery done "down there" she died on the table twice. And here I am, complaining that they want to take the baby a week early with medicine. How selfish of me. Some women give birth to babies in their second trimester. Some women have to hold their infant and say goodbye after only a few short moments. Some women have to leave their baby in the hospital for months and months. And I'm worried about it being a week early? God needs to change my heart... I can't stand to be so selfish.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

thirty-seven weeks.

Well, the ultrasound went well. My fluid levels are perfectly normal (which is so good), but the baby is measuring small. The doctor said Baby is still growing, just at a very, very slow rate. So we're keeping an eye on it, and counting kicks/movements religiously.

Now I just wish I knew what was going on with my body! Seriously, I have so many "early labor" symptoms, but still no progress. Well, maybe I'm dilating this week (man, I hope so). But still no active labor. I'll have contractions in my back, and a little in the front, for hours. But they'll be 15 to 20 minutes apart, and then slowly stop.

The doctor said to have lots of sex, and walk more. So that's what we're doing... I'll come back from walking the dogs with contractions, but they won't last and they won't get stronger. SO frustrating! I'm worried that the baby isn't getting everything he (or she) needs, so I kind of think I would feel better if I gave birth sooner rather than later. The doctor kind of feels the same way; that's the impression I got anyway. But I just... there's only so much I can do. :/ I'm just praying and waiting and praying and waiting.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

This is me NOT freaking out...

36 Weeks pregnant. I had my doctors appointment today, and left a little scared. I've always measured perfectly on track through this whole pregnancy, and I've never had any problems. But today, Dr. Haas (who isn't my normal doctor, but still VERY nice and easy to work with) measured my stomach and listened to the heartbeat. The heartbeat was 120, which is low for my baby, but she didn't seem concerned at all. Then she measured my stomach. She asked if I felt like the baby had dropped and I said no, not really. I mean, I've been having a little bit more pressure down there, but baby's feet are definitely still up in my ribs. So she checked my cervix (which I requested anyway, because I've been noticing more contractions). She said I'm dilated maybe a fingertip, if she really pushed (which she didn't, thankfully) and I'm very soft. She said she could feel the head, but it moved away every time it touched her hand, she said the baby doesn't seem to be too low. I guess I'm measuring the exact same as I was last week, which was also a little smaller than they would have liked. She ordered an ultrasound for next Wednesday, saying that it could be low fluids or my baby could've stopped growing. That did worry me. She didn't seem to think it was something incredibly urgent, and she tried to make me feel better after I started asking all these questions and stuttering a little. She said that it could just be the way I'm carrying (although that seems unlikely).

So now I may be inducing here in the next few weeks. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that. I mean, I know I'm tired of being pregnant-but if my body isn't ready to get rid of the baby then... although, on the other hand, it may be best for the baby to come out sooner rather than at 40 weeks. I don't know, above all we want what's best for this Little One-whether that means putting me on pitocin or not. I'm just praying. I'm worried and psyching myself out; Matthew keeps saying everything is fine and doesn't seem too concerned. I just want a healthy baby. I keep getting all these "what if's" in my head, and I'm forcing myself to not google all the problems that could come with this. I'll just wait for my ultrasound next week to see what's going on in there.

Anyway, other than that everything seems fine. Blood pressure is normal, and like I said my body IS progressing a little bit. Technically I could go into labor anytime.. but we're trying to wait until after labor day weekend. Matthew asked me to, because he gets a four day weekend. So maybe on Monday or Tuesday... then he could get another 10 days (of his standard paternity leave) right after his "mini vacation" for the holiday. That would be pretty sweet. But then again, so would waiting a couple more weeks. The further along I get the more I think "ok, I can do this for another week" or at least another couple days. Now that I'm off those stupid pills I don't feel near as bad.

Alright, anyway, I'm off to do something productive.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,
Please tell me how you are doing in there.
Tell me if you have a plan yet, for coming out.
Let me know if there's anything I can do,
Any encouragement I can give.

Dear Baby.
Please stop kicking me in my side,
Please get out of ribs.
Please don't head-butt my privates anymore.
Please, please, please, come out soon!

Dear Baby,
Please stop making me sick.
Please stop pushing against my bladder.
Please give me a sign that you're almost done baking.
And please, please don't get too big!

Dear Baby,
We love you so much!
We are so excited to finally meet you.
To call you Abigail or Ephraim,
and to hug and kiss you lots.

Dear Baby,
We want you very, very healthy.
We don't want you in NICU,
or to stay at the hospital when we go home.
But we don't want you in my tummy forever either!

Dear Baby,
I'll give you a few more weeks,
I'll let you cook a little bit longer.
But you need to understand my anxiety,
Try to grasp how uncomfortable I am.

Monday, August 23, 2010

35 weeks down, 5 more to go

Two weeks until I'm considered full term.
Thank God!
These stupid pills make me sooo sick, and I just can feel my body preparing for labor. I'm getting all the symptoms that are listed for "pre labor". Of course, it could still be weeks before I give birth, but its nice to know that my body is doing something.

In other news, we finished the changing table, finally! I need to go down there and vacuum the floor and pick up the little odds-and-ends of things that don't have a place yet. And I think I want to rearrange the furniture, but these pills are draining my energy. They make me nauseous, give me headaches, and put me to sleep. Oh, and did I mention that they give you a metal-taste in your mouth? Yeah. Its wonderful, tastes like I'm drinking water from a tin can.

Five weeks... maybe only two.

I started making a play mat for the baby. Scratch that, I started sewing a play mat by hand. That's how bored I am. I don't have a sewing machine, and it feels good to sit on the couch and focus on something other than TV once in a while. Its actually pretty relaxing, and rewarding! I'm going to get the batting and start on the underside tomorrow. I think it'll turn out alright (although I bought a package of different cotton fabrics, and one of them has a butterfly print; so I hope we have a girl now).

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I'm going to be a mom...

In six weeks or less I will be a parent, a mother. I'll finally be holding this little baby in my arms. I'll finally know if its a boy or a girl.

In three weeks I'll be considered full-term. I could really go anytime after that, and the baby would have very little health problems, if any. Doctor's only concern is lung development (not specifically for our baby, just in general lungs take the longest to develop).

Its a little hard to come to terms with the fact that pretty soon we'll actually be using all the new "stuff" in our house. We have constant reminders that I'm pregnant (I mean, besides my emotional meltdowns and constant complaining). There's a pack n play in our living room, a bassinet in our bedroom, baby clothes have all been washed and folded and organized (and reorganized, and reorganized). There's a whole shelf of baby bottles and breast milk storage containers in a cupboard in the kitchen, and baby books on the bookshelf. Some of this stuff has been here for a while, some of it we've grown used to seeing. But its all finally becoming real, like everything is slowly coming into focus.

I could, theoretically, have a baby any day now. God willing, it will wait at least four more weeks. I'm so done being pregnant, done being kicked in the ribs and jabbed in the sides and punched in the hoo-ha. I'm finished with the back pain, painful Braxton Hicks, and the constant itching. There are so many symptoms that just drive me nuts on a day-to-day basis, that I can't even list them all here. But as tired as I am of all of this, I'm still trying to enjoy it. I know that pretty soon it won't just be Matthew and I (and our two amazing dogs). Everything will change, our lifestyle will be turned upside-down. And as much as my body wants this baby out, I want it to be as healthy as humanly possible before it enters this world. I refuse to be selfish. I want to be a good mom. If that means suffering all forty long weeks, then so be it.

Did I mention I'm going to be a mom?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

33 weeks 2 days

Had a doctors appointment today. Nothing exciting, really... I'm measuring exactly on schedule, and baby's heartbeat is normal. I go back in two weeks and get my Strep B test, and then its every week after that.

I'm praying for time to pass quickly. I'm miserable now, to be honest. I cannot for the life of me get comfortable. If I stand up my ankles hurt, if I sit down the baby is up in my ribs, if I lay down I can't breathe from the pressure and my acid reflux acts up. I don't seem to have any appetite these past few days; I just feel light headed and tired all the time. I'm guzzling water to help, but so far no progress. I can't sleep at night, and the sleep that I do get is a restless type.

Seven weeks, I have seven weeks left. Four weeks until I'm considered "full term". I guess I'm in a complaining mood today... I've done all the organizing and nesting that I can do for now; at least until that part comes in so we can finish the changing table. I'm restless. I'm tired of being pregnant, and yet the end is in sight. Close, but so far away...

Prayers would be appreciated right now, I'm going to try and get comfortable on the couch now. :/ Wish me luck...

Thursday, August 5, 2010

an update

I haven't blogged in, what, two weeks? It feels like months... but I'm still pregnant, so I know that's not the case. We have a little bit less than 8 weeks left of all this, by the way. Finally, I feel prepared. Well, as prepared as I can feel. My baby shower went so well; it was fun and relaxing and I now have almost everything I need. I decided to look over how much we've spent for the baby (just Matthew and I) and its around $500. Can you believe that?
$350 for the car seat/stroller combo
$30 for the diaper bag
$40 (ish) on baby clothes
$20 for the moby wrap
$10 for the boppy pillow

The crib and mattress were gifts from Matthew's parents.
The changing table, rocker, and bedding set were all gifts from my parents.
We had an extra dresser already.
The bassinet was given to us by Matthew's older brother, Josh.
The pack n' play was given to us by one of Matthew's supervisors.
We have a swing, bouncer and walker all coming used from my parents.
And another used papasan swing from my sister.
And actually, I think a THIRD swing from Matthew's parents.
My grandparents said they were getting us the highchair.
We were given diapers, books, clothes, blankets and towels from the baby shower. In addition to soaps, lotions, diaper cream, bottles, nipples, and toys galore. We are really so incredibly blessed.
The list of stuff we still need? I told you, I'm nesting, right? Because I am. I can now see everything we need, everything I need to clean and organize and redo before the baby arrives!
Sleep positioner
Mirror for the car
Water-proof mattress pad
Changing table covers/sheets
Breast pump
Bumbo seat (maybe that's a luxury)
Pacifiers (we didn't get any at the shower!)
Booties (I only have two pairs)
Hats (I only have one; that I made)
Burp cloths/spit up cloths (I think we got one package)
Bookcase

All things considered, those are minor things. Some of them we don't even really NEED. I think we'll end up spending another $150-$200 before the baby actually gets here. But I refuse to buy anything off that list until September. We pay our car insurance every six months, and it happens to be due at the end of August. Lovely, how those things happen.

In other news (now that I'm done making lists!) we used our WIC checks for the first time today. They are letting me get 2 1/2 gallons of soy milk every month. There's no WAY I can use that much, its crazy! Well, I think I'll start baking and cooking with the soy milk, so that the whole milk is JUST for Matthew to use as he wants. We are so blessed, God has been so good to us. Being on WIC is going to really save us in the long run, I had no idea.

I just can't seem to look at my life without feeling an overwhelming amount of thankfulness anymore. Being back in Grand Junction really gave me a lot of peace. God has us placed in Rapid City for a reason, and as much as I miss my family and friends, I know now without a doubt that we are not meant to be living in the Valley right now. I NEED to raise my children away from the family, I need to do this on my own. I've always been independent, and actually so has Matthew. I just know that what's best for us, and for this baby, is that we start this family with just us. I need to learn to step out of my comfort zone and really invest in this church, really invest in relationships other than my family. I need to build up a support system, its just something I have to learn.

With that being said, I am so incredibly thankful that I have the family that I was given. My mom is more than willing to come up here (and my sisters and dad too) and help me with anything and everything. And Matthew's parents have already offered to come up and help and meet the little one a few weeks after he/she arrives. I just know that if I ever need anything, there are so many people in my life that are so willing to do what they can.

Now we just continue to pray for a healthy and easy pregnancy. My next appointment is on the 12th, a Thursday. It'll be good to go in and double-check everything. I know I've only missed one appointment (while we were on vacation) but I just would like to hear the doctor say everything still looks perfect.

Alright, I'm off to crochet and watch Top Gear with my husband. We are so glad to be home, and have a few days to unwind. He's still being patient and kind, and encouraging. He takes such good care of me!

Friday, July 23, 2010

One more post before vacation!

So here we are, thirty-weeks along; three-fourths of the way through the pregnancy. I'm emotional about it all; I've had an easy, fairly enjoyable pregnancy. I know that its ending, and I'm entering into another stage of my life, into a place I know very little about. I feel unprepared, young, naive, and blessed. This is my life. I married my high school sweetheart at eighteen, and become a military spouse. And I'll have a beautiful little baby girl (or boy) just shortly after turning twenty. I never would have guessed, five years ago, that I would be here. I always pictured my life ending differently... not in South Dakota, for one. But I don't regret one single decision I've made. Every step I took got me here, got me next to the greatest husband I could have asked for, and with the most amazing child. Oh, I'm scared out of my mind, but I feel such a sense of blessing that I can't focus on my fear.

I've been thinking a lot about actually giving birth. I ignored it for a long time, too afraid to even focus on the pain, the unknown. I'm a planner; I like to know what's going on at every second, what's coming next, and I like to be in control. None of that is an option. What if the baby doesn't turn? What if the baby doesn't drop into the birth canal? What if the cord gets wrapped around his or her neck? What if I have to a c-section? What if I don't get to the hospital in time? What if the epidural doesn't work? There are SO many factors, so many things that could go wrong or change "plans". And I don't even have plans! I think I would like to TRY a natural birth, without pain medication. But who knows? I've never felt labor pains. I could go into labor and demand an epidural. I could have such a short labor period, and fairly easy contractions that I don't NEED anything. But who knows, really? God. Just God. At my next doctor's appointment (in two weeks) I'm going to talk to him about everything and see what he says. I know I at least want to hold off on taking an epidural, but I don't think I can firmly stand on one side or the other.

For the record, I'm not worried about an epidural harming the baby (or me). But it has been known to slow down labor, and you can only push in one position if you have an epidural (which is not the ideal way to push). Plus, like I said before, I hate not being in control (what can I say? I am my mother). I hate the feeling of being numb, because I'm not in control, I don't feel like I'm in control. That feeling really, honestly scares me. But again, who knows? I don't have a high pain tolerance either, so I could go into labor and say "screw it, make the pain stop". Or maybe the epidural won't even work on me... See, so many "what-if's". I don't want to stress about it, because ultimately God is in control and I trust Him to keep me and baby safe. I just wish I knew how the heck this infant is coming out, or when!

I'll be honest, I'm a little worried I'll go into pre-term labor while at home on vacation. Oh gosh, that would just be awful! We're bringing both our dogs in the backseat of our car. Where would we even put the baby?! We wouldn't even have the car seat with us... And if the baby is born this early he or she will probably be in the NICU for a good week. What if we have to extend our vacation? See, this is why I don't think. I worry. I am my mother.

And then I take a deep breath and remind myself that God is still on His throne. I tell myself that He knows when each sparrow falls; so how much more does He know my problems? He's got this whole pregnancy in His hands, protecting both me and baby. I believe with everything in me that God has perfect timing in all things, and that everything He does works out for the best. I stand firm in that, and grasp to those facts when I become fearful and weak. I'm out of my league here, a little fish in an awfully big pond. I have no idea what I'm doing, this is so new to me, my body is reacting in ways I never expected. And still, God is in control. Even when I am not, He still has His hand on my life and my pregnancy.

One last thought before I go vacuum the living room. I put the bassinet by my side of the bed (because that's where it fits) and every time I wake up in the middle of the night, I open my eyes an see it sitting there. It warms my heart. I don't feel overwhelmed or scared, I just feel so excited and loved and peaceful. Ok, so part of it may be because I'm half asleep... But I love rolling over and looking at the tiny bed and thinking "my little girl will be in there soon, sleeping soundly". Or boy. It could be a boy. :) I'm off now!

Friday, July 16, 2010

our great adventure and the hospital

Ok, in order for me to tell this story I need to rewind back to Wednesday. I had really severe cramping/shooting pains "down there" and I couldn't find relief for 4-5 hours. Finally, after about half an hour in a hot bath, the pain went down to more of a dull ache. Well, the baby was pretty lazy after that and I didn't feel it moving around too much. I can't remember though, my focus was on the pain not on how often Baby jabbed me. I do remember feeling it kick me a few times "down there" because it made the pain worse, and at some point it wedged itself up into my ribs and caused more discomfort.

So Wednesday came and went... Thursday morning I woke up as Matthew was leaving for work and the baby kicked me softly a couple times. I distinctly remember this because when I felt the kicks I thought "I haven't really felt that too much lately". I went back to sleep and woke up about an hour later, and then decided to start my day. I cleaned the bathroom, crocheted a little bit and wrote. Matthew came home at noon for lunch and I felt the baby kick once while he was here, and that was it. So by the time my husband got home from work I was concerned, four-thirty hit and I'd only felt Baby kick twice. Matthew told me we'd go get dinner and see if eating helped. Well we had errands to run so we didn't end up eating until about 7. I waited two hours, still no movement. Now by this time I'm really scared. Earlier in the week someone had a still birth because the baby had wrapped the umbilical cord around its neck and died. She wouldn't have gone in if she hadn't noticed a decrease in movement.

So since my doctors office was closed, I had to call Labor and Delivery. I told the very nice nurse on the phone my symptoms and she said I should come in so they can monitor everything. Sometimes in preterm labor women don't feel the contractions, so I could technically be "trying" to give birth and not know it. So we got in the car right away and drove 25 minutes across town. I spent maybe two minutes in the ER before they took me down the hall to L&D.

Now let me tell you, this hospital is a LOT nicer than I expected it to be. All of the birthing rooms are private, and she said almost all of the postpartum rooms are private as well. This room was about twice the size of our bedroom, with a couch and rocking chair and kitchenette. There were hardwood floors, dimmer switches on the lights, and even a place to play music during labor if you want. I was excited; it was nice to know that they do really take care of you. :) Anyway, they had me change into a gown and hooked me up to monitor the baby's heartbeat AND to see if I had any contractions.

Well, at first the nurse (who was so incredibly nice and very helpful, she did everything in her power to keep us calm) couldn't find the heartbeat. I looked over at Matthew, and saw that he was crying. I had cried all the way to the hospital, scared out of my mind. And he was so calm and comforting, that I knew if he was scared I should be too. She did find the heartbeat by the way, but seeing the look in my husbands eyes as he realized we could very well loose this baby... that was a life-changing experience for me. Anyway, everything is fine, I wasn't having contractions. They don't know why the baby was so lazy yesterday, but it sure did kick up a storm once the monitors and straps were in place! I'm glad I went in, and the nurse thanked me multiple times for getting checked out. I knew that if I brushed it off and something WAS wrong, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I couldn't take that chance, this is, after all, a life that's at stake.

I'm glad we went in, too, so that I could actually see what the Labor and Delivery section of this hospital was like. Its so much better than the one back home in Junction! I really feel like God has lead us to this place, and that this will be the perfect hospital for my first birthing experience. Alright, the dogs are barking at the neighbors trying to move in, so I have to go let them out.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Meet the newest member of our family!

So he IS a pit-bull terrier mix, and he IS harmless. When I brought him home yesterday (with a cone on his head from being neutered over the weekend) Jafar was very agressive and protective of his territory. The poor new puppy was so nice, and just wanted to play! Seriously, even when our lab-mix snapped at him, he just walked away. And he loves people! Oh man, does he love people! The car ride home (which was almost an hour) he kept trying to sit in my lap. Which, by the way, is NOT a good idea with a big cone around his neck! He refused to lay in the backseat (even though that's where I laid down the blanket so dog hair wouldn't get on the seat) and leaned against my shoulder the entire way. And when I handed my ID to the guard so I could get back on base, oh my was he ever happy to see another person! His tail went a mile-a-minute, I swear.

He's so chill. He just lays down and watches you with is big puppy dog eyes. Okay, so he smells a little, but we got him from the humane society so what do you expect? And he's been trying to hump our couch pillows, and Jafar... its a dominance thing. Other than that he's been great. He's only tried to jump up on the furniture a couple of times, and he understands "no" and will get down.

We know he was abused. He's only eight months old and ALL of the workers at the shelter swore he was their favorite dog. They have a group of mentally handicapped children come in and play with the animals once a week, and this puppy was their favorite. He's never been agressive towards anything or anyone, in the three months that they've had him. ANYway when he first was taken in, they put him in a foster home because he was so malnuroused, they didn't think he'd live. You can still kind of see his ribs, but he's gained a lot of weight since they've had him. He also has red marks around his neck from where the collar was too tight, and embedded into his skin. He came in with another pit bull, a female, who was pregnant. She was adopted out right before he was (a beautiful brindle dog) and the three puppies that survived were also adopted out. We actually looked at one of the 8-week old puppies, a girl. She was a beautiful fawn color, but I knew I couldn't handle another tiny puppy. This dog was already house trained, but the puppy of course wasn't.

So far he's been great, and I think he'll continue. I know part of it is just him getting used to his surroundings again. He does cower when Matthew yells, he'll tuck his tail between his legs and lay down and start shaking. He was abused after all, so we're trying to get him used to the fact that we're not going to physically hurt him. That he's safe here. I'm sure people are going to FREAK that we got a pit bull and we're expecting a baby. But I really don't think he'll hurt anyone. I strongly believe that pit bulls, when raised and bred correctly, are great dogs and not aggressive. Plus, I've never seen the workers at the shelter so enthusiastic about a dog before-everyone had to say goodbye to him and made me promise to call in a few days so they knew how he was doing. They didn't do this the last time we adopted a dog, I can tell you that. But this little guy just captured their hearts, they all loved him.

Alright, I'm off to snap a few more pictures, and once the cone is off (hopefully by the end of the week) he'll have his face all over the internet! :) He's on medication right now for his surgery he just had, and he eats them right up without any problem! He's such a good boy.
P.S. Matthew named him Hades, I'm not completely sold but it was either that or "Scar". Which, by the way, rhymes with Jafar. No way. The name he came with was Blade, but it just didn't fit him too well.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

New Dogs, More Cramps

So we gave Chuck (our eight-month-old basset hound/lab mix) away. A new couple that just moved here fell in love with him and took him home with them. Its a good thing, I just wasn't expecting it really. They said they'd come over to look at him, and then ended up taking him-I had like five minutes to prepare. Ok, so I really wasn't that attached to him, he was obnoxious and a huge pain in the butt. But still, I'm pregnant and over emotional and I feel like I should have had some time to say goodbye or something...

So Saturday we went out to Spearfish (and Lead) to look at a couple humane societies. We ended up picking out a dog who's at the vet right now getting "fixed", we pick him up on Monday. He's eight-months old, and beautiful. It was that or another puppy, which I DO NOT want. I just house trained the last one, and I haven't forgotten how frustrating or exhausting it is. Not at all. So anyway, we get a new addition to the family tomorrow morning, and I'm very excited. We're still thinking up a name... Matthew really likes Abu (yes, another Disney name) but I'm just not sure it fits him. We'll see when he gets here, I guess.

Also, tomorrow, we get our garbage disposal fixed. FINALLY. Our kitchen sink isn't really draining, at all. So you can imagine how gross and smelly it is, and Matthew couldn't figure out how to fix it himself (he's not exactly a plumber). I mean, put him under the hood of a car and he'll fix just about everything that could ever go wrong. But a sink? Not his forte. So some stranger will be here tomorrow to hopefully fix that, and then we can go on living a slightly more organized lifestyle.

Then Tuesday is my next doctor's appointment, and I'm pretty excited. Its just a routine checkup, but we both love to hear the heartbeat, and know that everything is still OK.

After that... its just dishes and laundry and crocheting for me. This whole not working thing is really boring, but still amazing. I think I'll pull out some paper and start scrapbooking this week, if I ever get any of my energy back. I sleep at night, and I take a nap every afternoon and I STILL feel exhausted all the time. Its a little frustrating. I think I'll start cooking and baking some snacks for the long road trip down too. Just driving the forty-five minutes to Spearfish really hurt my back and made my ankles start to swell, so I'm already dreading the drive down. But Matthew is still being so patient and understanding, and constantly making sure I'm taken care of. He won't let me stay up late, or snack on anything unhealthy. I fell down the stairs last week and I had no idea he could run so fast to get to me! I mean, I was fine, I didn't land on my belly or anything (although my tailbone hurt), but it was still sweet that he bolted over to me ASAP.

The baby has started kicking me in the ribs and upper right side pretty constantly now. I feel so big and bloated, but I try not to wallow too much. This IS a beautiful thing, and I know its worth it. I love this Baby, and no matter how much pain I'm in, I know I will always love this baby enough to make it worth it.

Okay, I'm going to take a nap now. Have a great afternoon!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

almost out of the water

Well, tomorrow is officially my last day of work. Yes, I mean it this time. I put my foot down, and I'm not going back. I need out of that place. You have no idea how tempting it is to just quit going in altogether, I mean what are they going to do? Fire me? GOOD! I'm trying to leave! Plus, they already took away my benefits because my district manager sucks, so I'm working there without any perks. I hate Starbucks, they've treated me like crap the past few weeks, and they treated one of the best managers I've ever known like crap. What part of "I'm pregnant, I can't work more than six hours at a time" don't you people understand?! 8 1/2 hour shifts are NOT good for me, easy pregnancy or not! I only have today and tomorrow left though and then I'm out. I'm out and I'm not going back, at least not while living in this state.

In other news, I have NO idea what I'll do with my time after I'm done working. We're leaving for Junction in exactly three weeks, so I just have to fill a little bit of time before vacation. But what about after that? I mean there's almost two full months where I'll have nothing to do. And with me not working, we're taking a pay cut, so I can't even really buy stuff to do. Maybe I'll just start cooking and baking a ton... or try to work on my wedding scrapbook. Maybe the house will start getting cleaner, although I kind of doubt that. Oh well, it'll still be nice to not be on my feet all day dealing with people I can't stand.

Now, I get to go do my hair and find a clean apron for work. I hate being the bigger person, I hate that I can't stick it to them and quit showing up. I can't just walk away, because they need my help. There are a lot of people on vacation for the 4th of July, so if I don't go in they'll have a really hard time finding someone. And I shouldn't care, because they keep screwing me over, but I still do.

Baby is healthy, by the way. I start going to the doctor's every two weeks from here on out, or at least up until my 36th week and then I go in weekly. Nothing new to report in pregnancy... my heartburn is back, my feet are swelling, its incredibly hot all the time, and I can't ever seem to get comfortable. I'm just in a bad mood today. Sorry for the long, ranting post.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Dear Baby

Deary Baby,

I hope that you are healthy, and happy, and growing at just the right rate. I hope that you know already just how much mommy and daddy love you. I hope that you come into this world at the perfect time for us all, and that you experience an easy birth. I hope that you never stray from the Lord, that you always trust your family. I hope that you never doubt how much we love you, or that we will always do what is best for you. I hope you sleep well, and that you eat even better. I hope you smile a lot, and that you latch on to daddy way more than me. I hope you know that grandma and grandpa think you are the most beautiful grandbaby in the world, and that nothing will ever stop any of us from loving you.

I hope you know just how blessed you are, to be born into such a beautiful and wonderful world. I hope you always find the good in everyone, and look for the positive first. I hope you keep your morals strong, and your religion close.

Baby, I hope you have daddy's eyes, and yes, even daddy's ears. I hope you get his sense of humor, and his great patience. I hope that you get his sense of adventure, and are never afraid to try something new. I hope and I pray that you live a long, healthy, and wonderful life with us.

We love you so much, and we pray for you every day. Daddy loves to feel you kick him, and always kisses you good morning and goodbye. Already you are the most important thing in our lives, we put you before anything else. I am a very cautious and paranoid pregnant lady, just for you. We want you to be healthy and strong and beautiful. God gave you to us, at just the perfect time. We're the perfect parents for you, and will strive to fulfill that role every day.

We cannot wait to meet our little baby boy or girl, and we are counting down until we get to hold in your arms.
Your Mommy

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Well, today I am twenty-six weeks pregnant. That means in a few weeks I'll be in my Third and Final Trimester! Okay, so everyone says that's when things start getting miserable, but I'm still excited. It means that I'm closer to being done. :) I really always thought I would love being pregnant; its such a beautiful and perfect thing. Until you're the one who's stomach is triple its normal size, with weight gain constantly adding up and stupid restrictions that make you more angry than anything. I'm all for making the Baby as healthy as possible, and I've tried really hard to cut back on everything I'm supposed to. But man, will I be glad when I can have a glass of white wine and some sushi rolls. I'm tired of being tired, and these Braxton Hicks are not only beginning to hurt, but they're getting really old really fast. The good news?

I'm healthy, Baby is healthy. My Doctors appointment is next week (SO excited) and I'm doing my Glucose Test (not so excited about that). We're really praying I pass that, partially so that I won't have to take another three hour test (oh the horror) and partially because that means Baby and I have almost no risks at all through the next few months.

I've gotten addicted to this message board on babycenter.com with other women who are due the same month I am. I guess its just nice to go through all this stuff with other people, some of them are fairly experienced at being pregnant, and some of them know even less than I do. :) There have been a few premature babies born already, and all but two or three have made it. The most recent one was actually a still-birth, and I just cannot imagine how awful that would be. I know that a lot of time when babies are born so early they have a lot of development problems, but at least they're alive. I feel so attached to this little one already, and I know Matthew does too. I just, I can't imagine the feeling of someone telling you... of knowing that this little baby who you have come to know and love and cherish more than anything else in this world won't be around to grow up and enjoy your love. My heart breaks for those women, to go this long in a pregnancy and then lose it.

This baby is the most important thing in my life, it will change everything when it arrives. Heck, its already changed everything! I honestly just want my baby to be healthy and happy, to have a good life with a good family and a good education. I want the best for this little being. Everyone says that when you have children everything changes, and I'm sure I'll understand my parents even more after this little one arrives. But even now, I see what they mean. Nothing else matters anymore except my family. I've wasted so much time on stupid little things, I feel like I'm finally seeing a bigger picture.

I'm going to be a mom. :) I hope I'm as great as my mom was, I hope our home is just as welcoming and loving and a nurturing environment, like my home life was. I hope I succeed and I hope my child succeeds.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Week twenty-five

Its just another boring day here at my house this week. My last day of work is Friday, two days from now. Part of me is really sad, I know I'm going to miss all my regulars and most of my fellow employees. But I also know that I need out of that store, the stress is really taking a toll on me and Baby. Plus working on my feet all day is really starting to get to me, and because I'm pregnant I'm moody and can't stand most of the customers. My feet hurt at the end of the day, I have headaches all the time, and my upper back has started to really get to me too. Plus, I get really hungry at work and a lot of the time I'm not able to take a break and eat like I should. Its been a great job for the 20 months that I've been with the company, but its time to move on. Its not ideal for the pregnant lady, that's for sure. :)

In other news... I don't think we'll be going to Mall of America for the 4th of July after all. Once I quit work we'll be making about $800 less a month, and the pay cut is causing us to spend our money a little better. Its okay though, we might go to Minnesota for new years or Christmas, it just kind of depends. Matthew has a close Aunt and Uncle that live about 15 or 20 minutes from the Mall, so it would be cool to visit them.

Otherwise, we've already made plans to visit home over Thanksgiving. And we're obviously still planning on coming home the end of July. We're both SO excited for a vacation, to get out of this town, away from work, and we'll get to see a lot of family and friends. It'll be nice.

I still don't have any stretch marks on my tummy, but my boobs now look like a tiger (that's what Matthew says anyway). All the skin is starting to itch though, so maybe I will actually develop a few permanent scars. Not that I'm complaining! I'd be perfectly fine if I didn't ever get any stretch marks, but I'm not holding my breath on that one. People keep saying its genetic, in which case I will have some coming in shortly.

Yesterday I got to watch my belly bounce up and down while baby kicked. It was so weird, I wish Matthew had been here to see it. And the baby had the hiccups for the first time on Sunday night. It was the weirdest feeling!

I thought for sure this was a boy, I thought maybe I saw a little "something" at the ultrasound on accident. But in all my dreams its a girl, and I keep referring to it as "her". I can't shake the feeling that its a girl, even though I thought the screen showed boy. I know, I'm going to have to wait and find out either way. I'm just stating my opinion (something I always do, which you guys should know by now). Well, I think I'll go cut up some strawberries and turn on a little TV before the husband gets home. It was a long day at work, and I stayed late without a lunch, so its time to unwind for me. :)

Monday, June 7, 2010

another week has come and gone

pregnancy week by week
There still isn't much going on here... Only a couple more weeks of work and then I am finally free of that place! I love some of my employees, but the stress of management change is really taking its toll on me. That and I'm pregnant and beginning to get very impatient with stupid people, who for some reason love to visit me. :/ And I'm on my feet most of my shift, counting down the hours until I can go home and nap. Its just not something I enjoy doing anymore.

I crocheted a baby cocoon and hammock for some newborn photos, I'm pretty dang excited with them. Seriously, they look great. I'm even thinking about crocheting some up and selling them... I'll have a lot of free time between now and when the Baby arrives so something that can fill my time AND make money is a good deal. :)

Matthew and I had a nice anniversary. We spent Saturday night at a hotel in Hill City, and the luxury of cable was enough to satisfy us both for some time. :) Then Sunday we went for a nice, scenic drive, and walked around Reptile Gardens. It sounds nerdy, but it was actually really fun! We got to see a snake show AND a crocodile show. You should've seen the guy handling the King Cobra, it was so entertaining. They don't take out the venom or power to kill, so knowing that the man could've been bit and rushed to the hospital was enough to put me on the edge of my seat. Anyway, it was really cool and I hope when my family comes up that we can take them, because it really is worth it. Plus, an alligator snapped at one of the handlers, and that's something that everyone should see firsthand.

That night we went to Firehouse Brewing Company for dinner-by far the best food in town. I just love that place. Plus, free refills on locally-brewed root beer. Who can beat that? Yummm.

We've finally made plans to go home at the end of July/beginning of August. Matthew can't get the time off for us to go up to Flathead lake with his family. We were pretty bummed, but at least we'll still be able to see a lot of family and friends before the summer is over.

We're also trying to plan a trip to the Mall of America over the 4th of July weekend. We would have gone for our anniversary, but Matthew couldn't get the time off. :( Its ok though, I'm going to save up money so I can actually shop (since I won't be able to ride the roller coasters). I'm so excited; we've never seen that part of the country and it would be nice to go on some sort of mini-trip before the Baby arrives.

Well, I'm off to look at hotel prices and find a list of things to pack for a hospital bag...

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Memorial Weekend

 BabyFruit Ticker
So just in case you weren't sure; camping while pregnant SUCKS. Ugh, we didn't remember to bring an air mattress, and I don't think we have a pump for one anyway. The first night wasn't bad, other than a lot of the guys got drunk off their butts and me and the other pregnant women sat around drinking koolaid and driving across the campsite to the bathroom every hour. Awesome. I felt so bad for her, she's at 37 weeks. I can't imagine camping that far along! Now my back hurts SO bad, my tummy barely fit in my mummy sleeping bag, and I'm still getting leg cramps from sleeping on the ground. Oh, and did I mention it was FREEZING last night? Yeah, frost on the tent and everything.

Oh, and I'm not supposed to have hot dogs. But what do you cook over an open fire? Yeah. Hot dogs. So I had toasted marshmallows and peanut butter sandwiches (courtesy of the other pregnant women). Moral of the story: even if Husband enjoys camping, postpone it until AFTER baby arrives!

Oh, and another thing! They all went swimming. But guess who doesn't fit into her swimsuit? Yeah, I know what you're thinking "just wear a bikini". I would if my "ladies" would fit into my tops! :( Oh well, at least I got some quality time with my husband.

Monday, May 24, 2010

the ultrasound, symptoms, and MORE

The ultrasound was last Friday and it was AMAZING. We didn't cry, but it was so cool to watch the screen as the lady moved her little "mouse thing" across my stomach. She even gave us two 3D pictures! I cannot tell you how nice it is to know that we're only having ONE baby, and that it is very healthy. I'm measuring about a week behind schedule, but other than that everything is perfect. We have another ultrasound on June 1st to get better pictures of the lower extremities. Baby was sitting cross-legged, so they couldn't really see much down there. They're pretty positive everything is healthy, but they really just want to double-check. :)

Its so crazy to know that there is a baby in there, with a straight spine and developing brain. We could see hand bones and arm bones, facial structure and a heartbeat. It was beautiful, and so amazing. You forget how detailed the human body is, until you watch it growing inside of you. And when the baby kicked (which it did a lot, because he didn't like the pushing) you could see him/her move on the screen. It was amazing, such a blessing to see. And I am so grateful that Matthew was there to experience it with me. :)

So I'm still having leg/butt cramps, and now my hands and feet start to fall asleep for no reason. Also, the baby's kicks are strong enough to wake me up in the middle of the night. Maybe its just me, but I think my shoes are starting to feel tighter. Awesome. My doctor told me to stop wearing my wedding rings in case they get stuck, because you start to swell around this time. Its sad to take them off and put them around my neck, but I know its for good reason. I certainly don't want them to be cut off!

My eye sight is getting a little worse, but its common for that to change (like everything else) during pregnancy. I'm not sleeping well, and by the time noon rolls around I'm more than ready for a nap.

We don't think we'll be going up to Flathead with the family this summer, like we originally planned. There's a very, very small chance that Matthew can get the time off that week, which sucks. But if we don't go to Montana then we'll head back down to Junction and visit everyone around the 4th of July. Which we wanted to do anyway, but it would have been nice to see all his siblings...

I'm just keeping in mind that God has perfect timing with everything, and He knows when to send us on vacation and when to keep us home.

Also, the odds of Matthew deploying are pretty much gone. His supervisor told Matthew that he wouldn't be sent, unless he really, really had his heart set on it. So my dear husband will be here for the birth of the baby. He's a little torn about it, but I am feeling so blessed and excited and relieved that I really can't help him feel better with the situation.

My last day at Starbucks is June 18th, and I really am so glad to be leaving. I just can't handle it anymore... I applied at a jewelery shop where I know the employees, and the management is great. I'm really praying I get that job, because it would be just about perfect. But we'll see-God has great plans for me, where ever that may be, and I'm putting all faith in that.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Symptoms This Week

Pregnancy Symptoms This Week:
Indigestion/chest pain
Bloating
Gas
Itchy stomach
Stretch marks on breasts (gag)
Skin/acne breakouts
Breast tenderness
Breasts leaking (gag, again)
Chocolate milk cravings
Awful fatigue

This past week work has been so stressful and awful. I'm so exhausted and frustrated, so tired of dealing with morons and having people treat me like I'm lazy. I'm not lazy: I can only do so much because I'm freaking pregnant! Why is that so hard to understand? And just because I can't do it, doesn't give you an excuse to ignore it. :/

And to top it off, everything I eat causes awful chest pains and stomach cramps. I don't know if that's normal or not, but its what I'm going through. I'm tired of being pregnant and feeling sick, tired, etc all the time. Halfway there... I'm halfway through this pregnancy. Can't wait to meet the little one and be done with this. :)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Materinty Survey

FINDING OUT
What day did you find out you were pregnant? January 18th
How did you feel when you found out? scared mostly.
Who was with you? My husband was down stairs in bed.
How did the daddy react? He was sleepy, really surprised, and very overwhelmed.


TELLING EVERYONE
How did your parents react? My mom cried and whispered "but he's deploying, you can't have a baby now"
How did his parents react? They were shocked more than anything, I think.

ABOUT THE PREGNANCY
When is your due date? September 28, 2010
How far along are you right now? 20 weeks and 6 days
Have you had an ultra sound? One, in the emergency room.
Have you heard the heartbeat? Yes, its wonderful.

SEX OF BABY
What do you want: Boy or Girl? I don't even know yet!
Do you know what you are having now? NO, we're not finding out.
Are you happy with what you are having? I know that both of us will be happy with whatever the outcome is.

ABOUT THE BIRTH
Who is going to be with you? Hopefully my husband, and my family will be in the hospital waiting.
Are you going to video tape it? No, they don't let you videotape it here.
Natural or medicated? Medicated, I never even thought about another option.
Do you think you will have a c-section?: I would prefer one, and my mom is convinced I will.
Do you think you will cry when you first hold your baby? Heck yes! I cry just thinking about it.
Do you know what you will say to the baby when you first hold it? Probably that I love it, and cherish it and think its beautiful.
Are you scared about the labor? Very much so actually.

BABY NAMES
Do you have a name picked out? Yes, two names just in case its the other sex. :)
Is your baby going to be named after anyone? Both middle names are in the family.
Did the daddy help pick the name? He had a huge say in the matter.


RANDOM QUESTIONS
Where was your baby conceived? Oh thats awkward... in our bedroom.
Have you felt the baby move? Yes, its the best feeling in the world.
What was your first symptom? nausea and acne.
Will you have godparents? I haven't thought about it.
What is the baby’s room theme? A baby animal theme.
Are you ready to be a mommy? If I wasn't God wouldn't have given me this precious baby.
What do you think the baby will be a "daddy’s girl/boy" or a "mommy’s girl/boy"? Daddy's girl or boy.
What was the first thing you bought for the baby? I think it was either a onesie or a car seat toy.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Week Twenty-One

New this week:
chocolate milk cravings
ok, so chocolate anything really...

I still want Root Beer, but I've been trying to drink more water and cut back on the sweets so that craving is being pushed to the sidelines.

Watermelon still sounds excellent too, but its expensive and not very good out-of season. :( A few more months and it'll be a staple in our household, I'm sure.

I finally ordered a food dehydrator off Amazon yesterday, I'm really excited to start making fruit leather and dried apples! I'm trying to eat healthier, and to start Matthew eating healthier too. That's why I'm making breakfasts (things low in sugar) and snacks with lots of room to get creative. Granola bars are actually in the oven right now; they DO have chocolate chips because I know Matthew will eat them, but I also put in a few tablespoons of flax seeds and there's only 1/2 a cup of brown sugar. The rest is applesauce, honey and oats. :) Its a start anyway... Now if I could just kick this chocolate craving... at least I'm getting lots of calcium out of the milk, that's probably why my leg cramps are a lot less severe.

The ultrasound is now on the 21st by the way, long story... we had to reschedule because Matthew had to work. Sad day, huh? That's ok, I'll be as patient as possible. Its not like it REALLY matters because we're not finding out the sex, but I would feel better knowing for sure there's only one baby in there.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

baby kicks!

So I know that I posted a few days ago, but I just had to share with you the amazing feeling of a baby's first kick. I was laying in bed Monday morning and had rested my hand on my tummy, still half asleep. I felt a little "bump" against my hand and woke up the rest of the way. :) I wasn't sure if I had imagined it, or if something had really hit my hand. So I waited. A few minutes later I felt it again! I got so excited that I woke Matthew up and he set his hand on my tummy. Nothing. I was so disappointed, and thought maybe I had just imagined it. I could tell he was a little upset about it too.

Well, the next morning I turned off my alarm and rolled over on my back, placing my hand on my stomach. I felt the same kicking feeling, and this time I knew I wasn't imagining it. I waited to feel it a second time before waking Matthew up. He put his hand on my stomach, still mostly asleep, and mumbled something about being tired. Then he felt it too! I was running late for work at this point, so I had to get up and go about my morning.

But I cannot tell you the connection I feel to this baby after feeling it kick against me like that. I knew there was a little one in there, obviously, but feeling it move and respond to your voice is completely different. Now I'm pausing almost every 10 minutes to put my hand on my bump and tell this darling little thing how much I love them. :) I really cannot wait to be a mother if this is how it feels. Oh, sure, it gets hard and frustrating and overwhelming. But what job doesn't? Feeling that kick made me feel like I could actually be a parent, and raise a child up in the right way. That kick means so much to me, I can't even really describe it.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

almost at nineteen weeks

Once again there isn't a whole lot to blog about... I pretty much am just taking one day at a time now. The only pants I can wear are my two maternity pairs that I bought on clearance, sweatpants, and a pair of jeans my sister outgrew in high school. Awesome. My shirts are all too short now and don't cover my bump, and have I mentioned I've been dreaming about having a baby every night for the past week? Mostly I dream about bringing the baby home, and for some strange reason its always a girl.

That is, until one of Matthew's friends brought up the whole "are you sure you're not having twins" question again. My doctor said when I brought it up last time that its just because my frame is so small, the baby has no where else to go but out. And while I understand that logic completely, I still can't help but be worried about it. What if we ARE having twins? We'd have to buy another crib, two high chairs, two swings... TWO of everything. Now I know that having a baby is already SO pricey, but having to buy double is just making me sick. The ultrasound is scheduled for May 11, and I guess we'll find out then just how many there are in there.

Matthew DID say that if we're having twins we can find out what the sexes are. I guess that's a little exciting... And honestly, having twins would be such a blessing. With two children we can move into the nicer housing (with a front porch and a back yard twice the size of what we have now). Not that that's the only reason I'd want two kids! I've seen how great twins can be, and also how hard it can be at times. I know I'm blessed to have two families now that would drop everything to rush up here if I really needed them to, as well as a husband that will help me out in every way possible. He's already been so great, picking up what I drop on the floor and helping me take off my shoes. Yeah, I know, I'm already that big. He grabs my hand to steady me if I start to loose my balance doing something, and he's constantly hovering to make sure I'm eating and drinking and staying away from that list of foods that I'm not allowed to have.

Which by the way, I will be SO excited when I can eat sushi again. Man, do I miss the sushi! I'm still not really having any cravings either, although I have to get a slushi every time we walk through Target.

The nursery is pretty much half done, as soon as the rest of the furniture is bought and placed in there just the way I like it, I can rest easy. Well, probably not easy, but easier at least. Some days I can stand my living room and picture a napping baby in a little yellow swing by the window, or a kid playing with cheerios in a high chair while I cook dinner. Those thoughts are what keep me brave, keep me from freaking out at the thought of getting up every two hours in the middle of the night for feedings, and being uneasy for the first few months that the baby will get SIDS. I'm already fearful and just as much a worrier as my mother was. :/ Great.

No, I'm putting it in the hands of God daily. Praying for a healthy, strong baby with a great attitude, and for an easy transition into parenthood for both myself and Matthew. That's what really keeps me strong. Ok, so I rambled a bit, and I'm going to go start lunch for my husband. :) Have a great week you guys.

Friday, April 16, 2010

another poem... random and disorganized.

You know some days I actually almost miss you.
Some days I look at your pictures and remember how we used to be.
And then I laugh at myself.
I force myself to remember what you put me through,
Remember exactly what you did to me.
And then I just almost feel bad for you,
And at the same time I hope that you're happy.
Its so funny how at the time I thought so differently.
I swore up and down we were meant for each other.
And I think we both believed that a little bit.
Maybe I did more than you, but belief none the less.

And now I just look at where I am now,
And who I am now.
I'm so thankful God yanked you way from me.
So thankful you left me in the dust.
I swallowed all those tears long ago,
And the aching in my heart is no more.
Now I just feel that overwhelming sense of love
For my husband and this baby we're having together.
I guess I just never thought I'd get over you.
Although you moved on long ago.

I'm proud of who I am and where I am.
I'm proud I'm not your girlfriend or wife.
I look at my life now and I'm overwhelmed with God.
I'm overwhelmed with how He saved me from that lifestyle
That I almost chose to have with you.
Its funny how much things change,
How much we've changed.

You're a part of my past that I won't ever forget.
A part of my testimony that is key to who I am.
But I thank my Savior every day
That you're name is not written in my future,
Nor in my heart anymore.
I don't write to say goodbye, but just to say thanks.
And not even to you, but to my Lord.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

a poem

You called me out of darkness,
Beckoning me with words of love.
You called me into wisdom,
Singing songs of promise.
There was hope in Your voice,
and captivating compassion in Your words.
How can I resist such a thing?
How can I resist such a God?

With everything You do,
You show me Your deep love for me.
And everything You say
Guides me to a better place.
How can I do anything but worship?
How can I do anything but praise You?

Your emotions run so deep,
Your every move betters me.
In everything I see now
Is Your deep abiding love for me.
There's no way to ignore,
No way to silence Your call.
I need You in my life
Like You want me by Your side.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Beginning of the Fifth Months

Yes, that's right, I'll be seventeen weeks tomorrow. That means I'm in my 5th month, and almost halfway through the pregnancy. :) So far so good too, my blood pressure is normal, my weight is going up at just the right amount, and the baby's heartbeat seems perfect. :)

Actually, when the Doctor went to find the baby's heartbeat today all we could hear was a lot of movement. She was really impressed at how mobile the little guy was, but I think a little bummed too that she couldn't hear the heartbeat for much longer than a few seconds (and it was pretty faint at that). But anyway, it seemed to be somewhere between 130 and 140, which is awesome. :) Matthew says it means our baby will be an athlete, "he's already swimming!". It was really cool though to hear it moving, although it mostly just sounded like loud static. Its just nice to hear something from him/her, anything at all.

The ultrasound is exactly one month from today and boy am I excited. The Doctor said that the ultrasound tech won't even take a picture of the baby's "privates" if we don't want to find out the sex. It wont be in the file at all, so no one can accidentally slip up and tell us. That makes me feel a lot better, since I've heard a few horror stories about that...

Other than that... I still don't really have any cravings. I just like things really tart or sour, sweets just haven't been settling well with me the past few days (sad, because I do really have a huge sweet tooth). I guess I'll just keep you posted...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Sixteen Weeks

This week has been very busy for Matthew and I. We were blessed to have his parents come down and visit for a few days. The whole thing was very laid back and relaxing, but I still feel like I need to stop and breathe. We got a ton of baby stuff, and I feel like we're almost ready, at least in the nursery department.

Matthew's sister in law gave us her old bassinett. Which is awesome, because it was something that didn't fit into the budget, so we just weren't going to buy one. Usually you only use it for the first few months, and don't really get your moneys worth. So we were very excited to hear that she was willing to let us use it.

My sister sent down a bunch of stuff; maternity clothes and baby clothes and a carrier, as well as some books and fun stuff.

And this parents surprised us by taking us out on a rainy day to go crib shopping! We had planned on budgeting for one ourselves here in the next few months, but it was such a huge blessing to have them take some of the stress away like that. The crib wasn't in stock at the store, so we ended up ordering it in. It should be here in a few weeks... but we were able to take the crib mattress home (not that it does much good right now anyway).

And my mom is determined to buy the bedding set this weekend, although we don't need it for another few months. Then we just have to find a rocking chair, and if we can afford it, a changing table. :) Seeing the whole room come together like this is so exciting. I keep just walking in there and looking around in awe. Sometimes I can't believe I'm going to be a mother, its so incredible.

Now both Matthew and I are back to work, and I am reminded this week again of how blessed we truly are. My husband is really stepping up and taking initiative, I'm so proud of what he's done the past few years. First for him, then for us, and now for the baby and future family. He's my husband, my man, and he's really filling his shoes out well. :)

I think I might make a snow cone with the new snow cone maker my mom sent up with Rob and Lyn. :) My husband thought it was so random, but I got really excited about it.

Sorry there isn't much news about the baby itself, we have a doctors appointment on Tuesday (the 13th) so I should update and let you guys know what's going on. As far as I know everything is fine... a healthy little baby growing a ton and making me eat and pee way too often.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

almost fifteen weeks along now

I guess there isn't a whole lot of news to talk about, but I'm trying to blog every week or so. God blessed Matthew and I with a weekend out of Rapid, and it was amazing. We really needed time with just the two of us, away from stress and work and home. We needed time where we weren't constantly cleaning or bickering or upset about what happened that morning (or our roommate!). Thankfully, by the way, that guy has mostly moved out. He's not staying here, and I told him his stuff needs to be out by Friday or else it'll be on the street corner by the trash.

Matthew's parents are coming into town next week for a few days and I haven't seen my husband so excited in a long time. Actually, now that I think about it we have some good news. 1.) Matthew gets to do RAP every year, so we can probably go back to Junction for about two weeks without taking leave, although he'll be working mornings in the recruiters office. He's excited for a chance to go home this summer and see his friends and family. 2.) There's a chance that Matthew wont deploy; at all. At first we thought that if he wasn't tasked soon he'd be picked up for a 365; but I guess there's a chance that he just won't go for another year or so. We're praying BIG TIME for that. He could be here for the birth and the first year and everything... it would be such a huge, great, blessing for us. :D I know, I shouldn't get my hopes up, and I'm trying really hard to prepare for the worst. I've already planned on having this baby without him here, and being on my own for the first few months (which should be VERY hard). But how great would it be if he was HERE?! Gosh, it just... it blows my mind. You don't realize how much of a blessing that would be for me, how much I just want to praise God already for even a chance at having him by my side through all the firsts.

Anyway, we're praying about it. I'm going to eat another otter pop and then head to bed. :)